Desperate Healing Situation
What does healing "for the highest good" when it comes to bad relationships? I have someone I really care about she and I are close friends. But she does drugs and shes so stubborn about helping herself its ridiculous. She also pushes me away whenever she gets the chance and takes any opportunity to do so but shes told me she loves me and i know for a fact she does. She cares a great deal about our friendship but cant help pushing me away. Last night she told me that shes through with this and shes tired but shes pulled this in the past a million times already. She always comes back to me. I know on the surface there is no way to possibly explain this story and get a decent response but my question is if i were to send Reiki to the situation would the highest good be that she and I shouldnt talk anymore? I want desperately for us to remain friends. Through it all we mean a lot to each other and I have never left her side. She has been there for me also. I cant lose her but im afraid if i send reiki it could very well do the opposite. I dont know. My paranoid mind knows that Reiki does want it wants to do and that isnt always what you want. Am I right or wrong? I dont want to feel like an idiot for posting this I just need help.
Answers:
If you send Reiki for the highest good it means you hand the situation over for the 'best for all concerned'. As you don't know what is the best for you and her you have no control over the situation. If for the highest good means she goes her way and you go yours, then that is what will happen. If it means you get to sit down and talk about it and sort it out, then that is what will happend. You can not choose, as it is 'for the highest good' and from our limited view we don't know what that is.
It does sound to me that this relationship is causing you pain. If you send Reiki to the situation the only thing it will do is speed up the outcome - as you say, it might not be the outcome you wish for but it is' for the highest good of ALL concerned'- that way you can either start working on a better relationship with her quicker - or you have to see that this is not good for either of you and you have to move on.
I do not think we were put on this earth to suffer - only to experience different things - if the time has come for you to move on then accept this with good grace. Maybe this has to end as your soulmate is waiting around the corners - maybe you have to get through this stage to find that you two were 'made' for each other. If you send Reiki to the situation then do so with the believe/knowledge that you will totally accept the outcome.
Hope this helps a bit.
Answers:
Jobelle, it does help quite a bit, thank you. Im still at a loss as to what to do though. It would take quite a bit of courage to hand it over to the universe and let things go as they please. If shes n ever going to talk to me again though than i would have nothing to lose. its a tough call.
Answers:
From what you have posted I wouldn't call this a'bad' relationship, or even suggest there are 'bad' people in it ... just that one of them is behaving rather unwisely perhaps.
This recent thread seems to bear some similarities to your situation with your friend, and I wonder if the advice there to be lovingly detached may resonate with you.
By this I do not mean that you should abandon your friend, but on the other hand she is the one who MUST seek help to overcome her addiction, and you can support her in that, but you cannot do it for her. I once told a friend of mine who was 'addicted' (actually to a broken romance) that I wouldsupport him in getting overit, but I would NOT support him in staying stuck in it!
In your case, by implication, I cannot see how Reiki can do other than help the situation, ultimately if not immediately.In seeking to help her as best you can, perhaps you just have to trust, though I find it hard to believe that Reiki to the situation would effect a permanent rift between you.
Hope this helps, and I haven't missed the point.
Holistic
Answers:
Holistic: so you think it will help rather than hurt? I really appreciate the advice that you and Jobelle have given its very insightful. I will go check out that thread you have..
Answers:
Open the jar and let the butterfly fly, keep the lid on and the Butterfly will die. Either way one of you is going to be hurt or very sad,the way it looks from here is that She wants to go,you don't want her to, she has to fulfill her path so let her go. Reiki the situation and then let the Universe take charge. If you love her let her go, if she loves you she will return when she's ready,hopefully she will be in a better place by then. :)
Answers:
Thanks Lyn. So sad but i know i cant control people
Answers:
lyn, you say "she wants to go". Perfectcusp can clarify, I'm sure, but I didn't read the original post like that, I took it thatthe friend was pushing her away, and my interpretation .... which may of course be quite wrong .... was that this could be coming from feelings of guilt over the drugs thather friendwon't/can't give up.
Hence the behaviour which I likened possiblyto the drug addict on the other thread to which I posted a link.
Perhaps when Perfectcusp comes back she'll tell us!
Holistic
Answers:
Perfectcusp,
It helps to remember that Reiki is not just a path of healing but also a path of spiritual growth. Perhaps ask yourself what this experience is teaching you spiritually?
It may be things like acceptance, surrender and trust.Three very difficult lessons. Also it helps to remember that you are responsible only for your own energy and others are responsible for theirs. Unless they ask, you cannot help them.
Why not send Reiki to yourself?
As everything is connected, healing yourself first, also helps to create the space and conditions for others to heal themselves too.
:)
Good luck and best wishes,
Bryan
Answers:
yes she is pushing me away. I take it that a person like her doesnt feel like shes worthy of someone who wants to help her and be nice to her because shes used to people being mean or at least wants to believe that. I have it in my mind that love is the answer to everything and that if you love someone enough and show them your goodness they will realize life has more meaning than they thought. perhaps im wrong.
Answers:
I have done reiki on myself. whenever i get the chance. i was actually impressed last night when i was in tears and i did reiki on myself briefly and after a few minutes my stomach wasnt in knots anymore and i was calmer. that was the first time i had used it to heal me emotionally..
Answers:
There's also the love known as 'tough love'! Or to put it another way "I love who you are, but I don't like the way you're behaving".
And, though many might disagree with me most strongly, I'm afraid I have to say that sometimes being all loving, all accepting, all singing and dancing, simply does not work.
The friendship of mine that I referred to earlier did not suffer because I was firm in my resolve to help the other person recover, but not to remain wallowing in it with him.
I think you're probably absolutely spot on with your interpretation of the feelings of inadequacy behind your friends behaviour. So she's pushing you away to test you. If you leave her, she's got her self-fulfilling prophecy. If you stay, she may interpret that as total acceptance of her and everything she's doing, whereas I see those as two separate issues. Can you do that?
Possibly getting slightly off the topic of Reiki'ing the situation and what the possible outcome might be, but there is also much truth in Mr Firstlight's post in regard to how you treat yourself.
Holistic
Answers:
She definetely knows that i do not accept what shes doing at all and hates me for that. she says if she wants to kill herself its her business. Im not sure that i can stand by and watch her die but maybe i can hope with every ounce in me that she will hit a wall and save herself.
what exactly do you mean with how you treat yoursef? i have plenty of love and self respect for myself and try and be the best person i can be. i always try and give what i can and be the better person.
Answers:
It does sound like very defensive talk from your friend, I must say.
Badly chosen phrase, perhaps! I meant self-treating with Reiki, as suggested by Mr Firstlight, and also the rest of his post #9, including being responsible for your own healing and sometimes putting yourself first. Not as selfish as it sounds ;)
I wish you the best of luck and Reiki for a successful outcome, and for your friend a happy and healthy one.
Holistic
Answers:
Perfectcusp, :)
Again, if you don't mind I'd stress the idea to ask yourself "What is this experience teaching me spiritually?"
The universe is reflecting something back to you in the form of this other person. Ask "What is this person teaching me about myself, my attitudes, emotions, beliefs etc,etc.?"
There is an important lesson for you here which only you can understand as it is "your" experience.
As a hint, take a look at the link below to see how healing ourselves might affect those around us...
:)
Bless
Bryan
Answers:
Last night I used a little EFT on a few of the issues with my friend. Next, I tried Tonglin which is breathing in a persons suffering and breathing out love. Next i did send Reiki to the situation. I couldnt not do it. It kept chasing me around. I know i have to deal with the outcome but any suffering is better than what ive already gone through with her. I hope I did the distance healing right and now im just sitting back and waiting. Thanks for the help you all have given me. Ill keep you posted
Answers:
[quote]ORIGINAL: perfectcusp
The first golden rule of all true healing is NON-ATTACHMENT......i point this out as the above statement is in direct conflict of this....and i know from personal experience with friends and family how difficult it is to apply and how all suffer when it is not applied, i know it sounds harsh but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind ...or rather standing firm.....and if this person is a true friend theyshould respect this.
Answers:
opps...i'll get the hang of this qouteing thing one day:D
Answers:
The reiki must have done something. My friend contacted me and wants to try this again. I dont know what the universe has in store for us this time but ill pay attention. I guess reiki can be a blessing. Which is what ive always known in most cases to be true.
Answers:
If you send Reiki for the highest good it means you hand the situation over for the 'best for all concerned'. As you don't know what is the best for you and her you have no control over the situation. If for the highest good means she goes her way and you go yours, then that is what will happen. If it means you get to sit down and talk about it and sort it out, then that is what will happend. You can not choose, as it is 'for the highest good' and from our limited view we don't know what that is.
It does sound to me that this relationship is causing you pain. If you send Reiki to the situation the only thing it will do is speed up the outcome - as you say, it might not be the outcome you wish for but it is' for the highest good of ALL concerned'- that way you can either start working on a better relationship with her quicker - or you have to see that this is not good for either of you and you have to move on.
I do not think we were put on this earth to suffer - only to experience different things - if the time has come for you to move on then accept this with good grace. Maybe this has to end as your soulmate is waiting around the corners - maybe you have to get through this stage to find that you two were 'made' for each other. If you send Reiki to the situation then do so with the believe/knowledge that you will totally accept the outcome.
Hope this helps a bit.
Answers:
Jobelle, it does help quite a bit, thank you. Im still at a loss as to what to do though. It would take quite a bit of courage to hand it over to the universe and let things go as they please. If shes n ever going to talk to me again though than i would have nothing to lose. its a tough call.
Answers:
From what you have posted I wouldn't call this a'bad' relationship, or even suggest there are 'bad' people in it ... just that one of them is behaving rather unwisely perhaps.
This recent thread seems to bear some similarities to your situation with your friend, and I wonder if the advice there to be lovingly detached may resonate with you.
By this I do not mean that you should abandon your friend, but on the other hand she is the one who MUST seek help to overcome her addiction, and you can support her in that, but you cannot do it for her. I once told a friend of mine who was 'addicted' (actually to a broken romance) that I wouldsupport him in getting overit, but I would NOT support him in staying stuck in it!
In your case, by implication, I cannot see how Reiki can do other than help the situation, ultimately if not immediately.In seeking to help her as best you can, perhaps you just have to trust, though I find it hard to believe that Reiki to the situation would effect a permanent rift between you.
Hope this helps, and I haven't missed the point.
Holistic
Answers:
Holistic: so you think it will help rather than hurt? I really appreciate the advice that you and Jobelle have given its very insightful. I will go check out that thread you have..
Answers:
Open the jar and let the butterfly fly, keep the lid on and the Butterfly will die. Either way one of you is going to be hurt or very sad,the way it looks from here is that She wants to go,you don't want her to, she has to fulfill her path so let her go. Reiki the situation and then let the Universe take charge. If you love her let her go, if she loves you she will return when she's ready,hopefully she will be in a better place by then. :)
Answers:
Thanks Lyn. So sad but i know i cant control people
Answers:
lyn, you say "she wants to go". Perfectcusp can clarify, I'm sure, but I didn't read the original post like that, I took it thatthe friend was pushing her away, and my interpretation .... which may of course be quite wrong .... was that this could be coming from feelings of guilt over the drugs thather friendwon't/can't give up.
Hence the behaviour which I likened possiblyto the drug addict on the other thread to which I posted a link.
Perhaps when Perfectcusp comes back she'll tell us!
Holistic
Answers:
Perfectcusp,
It helps to remember that Reiki is not just a path of healing but also a path of spiritual growth. Perhaps ask yourself what this experience is teaching you spiritually?
It may be things like acceptance, surrender and trust.Three very difficult lessons. Also it helps to remember that you are responsible only for your own energy and others are responsible for theirs. Unless they ask, you cannot help them.
Why not send Reiki to yourself?
As everything is connected, healing yourself first, also helps to create the space and conditions for others to heal themselves too.
:)
Good luck and best wishes,
Bryan
Answers:
yes she is pushing me away. I take it that a person like her doesnt feel like shes worthy of someone who wants to help her and be nice to her because shes used to people being mean or at least wants to believe that. I have it in my mind that love is the answer to everything and that if you love someone enough and show them your goodness they will realize life has more meaning than they thought. perhaps im wrong.
Answers:
I have done reiki on myself. whenever i get the chance. i was actually impressed last night when i was in tears and i did reiki on myself briefly and after a few minutes my stomach wasnt in knots anymore and i was calmer. that was the first time i had used it to heal me emotionally..
Answers:
There's also the love known as 'tough love'! Or to put it another way "I love who you are, but I don't like the way you're behaving".
And, though many might disagree with me most strongly, I'm afraid I have to say that sometimes being all loving, all accepting, all singing and dancing, simply does not work.
The friendship of mine that I referred to earlier did not suffer because I was firm in my resolve to help the other person recover, but not to remain wallowing in it with him.
I think you're probably absolutely spot on with your interpretation of the feelings of inadequacy behind your friends behaviour. So she's pushing you away to test you. If you leave her, she's got her self-fulfilling prophecy. If you stay, she may interpret that as total acceptance of her and everything she's doing, whereas I see those as two separate issues. Can you do that?
Possibly getting slightly off the topic of Reiki'ing the situation and what the possible outcome might be, but there is also much truth in Mr Firstlight's post in regard to how you treat yourself.
Holistic
Answers:
She definetely knows that i do not accept what shes doing at all and hates me for that. she says if she wants to kill herself its her business. Im not sure that i can stand by and watch her die but maybe i can hope with every ounce in me that she will hit a wall and save herself.
what exactly do you mean with how you treat yoursef? i have plenty of love and self respect for myself and try and be the best person i can be. i always try and give what i can and be the better person.
Answers:
It does sound like very defensive talk from your friend, I must say.
Badly chosen phrase, perhaps! I meant self-treating with Reiki, as suggested by Mr Firstlight, and also the rest of his post #9, including being responsible for your own healing and sometimes putting yourself first. Not as selfish as it sounds ;)
I wish you the best of luck and Reiki for a successful outcome, and for your friend a happy and healthy one.
Holistic
Answers:
Perfectcusp, :)
Again, if you don't mind I'd stress the idea to ask yourself "What is this experience teaching me spiritually?"
The universe is reflecting something back to you in the form of this other person. Ask "What is this person teaching me about myself, my attitudes, emotions, beliefs etc,etc.?"
There is an important lesson for you here which only you can understand as it is "your" experience.
As a hint, take a look at the link below to see how healing ourselves might affect those around us...
:)
Bless
Bryan
Answers:
Last night I used a little EFT on a few of the issues with my friend. Next, I tried Tonglin which is breathing in a persons suffering and breathing out love. Next i did send Reiki to the situation. I couldnt not do it. It kept chasing me around. I know i have to deal with the outcome but any suffering is better than what ive already gone through with her. I hope I did the distance healing right and now im just sitting back and waiting. Thanks for the help you all have given me. Ill keep you posted
Answers:
[quote]ORIGINAL: perfectcusp
The first golden rule of all true healing is NON-ATTACHMENT......i point this out as the above statement is in direct conflict of this....and i know from personal experience with friends and family how difficult it is to apply and how all suffer when it is not applied, i know it sounds harsh but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind ...or rather standing firm.....and if this person is a true friend theyshould respect this.
Answers:
opps...i'll get the hang of this qouteing thing one day:D
Answers:
The reiki must have done something. My friend contacted me and wants to try this again. I dont know what the universe has in store for us this time but ill pay attention. I guess reiki can be a blessing. Which is what ive always known in most cases to be true.