desperately seeking direction - help!
Hi all - I'm new to the group but was really impressed by the support you all give to each other. My problem is this - I'm forty, fed up with the corporate world and over the last few months have been doing some fast track training in NLP and hypnotherapy. All the techniques I'm learning are wonderful and they really work when I use them on other people.
But I don't find myself any clearer about where I want to go with all this. I can't make a decision about where I would like to focus my career. I'm just stuck, and it's becoming a real problem for lots of reasons (i.e. money, self esteem etc)
I suspect I may be a little depressed because I'm also over-eating and tired all the time. I recently began to come off a medication called seroxat (ugh) which my doctor gave me when my father died and I've also given up smoking. So I'm making some headway, but not nearly enough. I'm an intelligent, capable woman (usually) so why can't I get past this?
Any advice would be genuinely appreciated
Answers:
Hiya,
I know exactly how you feel cause in many ways I am going through the same...just that I am trying to come off painkillers...and cannot focus at all...I need life direction, but money gets in the way the lack of..
I do not work...and so want to do so many things but my intellect cannot focus on anything at all...i am 35 and just feel at a loss...I think maybe it is also because I am on my own and find it hard to get motivated...but you have got out there done the courses and still lack that extra something...any people out there know why this is...I have a few friends...I phone them but they are always busy...yet shyness and being deaf holds me back...
I gave up smoking, but before this when my mother died I spiralled into pain killer addiction...plus I think I have an eating disorder gorging one week then liquid diets the next...I suppose I am just not happy...I have my home but I now worry that money will not be there to furnish things...I am tired all the time too...
I did think of doing reiki but cannot even focus maybe its the heat...lol...I do not know like you I need direction too...
Hoping any one out there can guide us...
Thunder
Answers:
Answers:
Hi Thunder
I know how you feel, and I've been thinking about you all night since I read your reply. We both know that life should be better than this, right? One of your comments got me thinking, you said "you've done the courses but still lack that extra something" I think the key may be in those three words. Maybe it's just a matter of finding a hobby or an interest or a job that really turns on the passion.
What are your interests, what are you good at, what do you love? Maybe over the next few days we could help each other explore what is inside us. It may help us move forwards, and even if not, I'll have enjoyed the company.
:D
Answers:
Hi Mojo,
Just keep at it, there is plenty of advice on this forum!
Answers:
Hello there
Its not a pleasant place is it, stuck in a rut? You know, they say that being in a rut is just another name for a grave, with the ends kicked out.
I suppose what i am trying to say is that there is nowhere to go but up from here.
One way to get yourself out of the horrible place, is by using EFT. Emotional Freedom Techniques. It is like accupuncture but without using any needles.
It works on the premise that all thoughts are just energy that travel along meridian lines in our bodies. And energy can get blocked sometimes. To unblock the uncomfortable feelings, EFT taps on specific meridian points and, VOILA!!, the horrible place just melts away like snow in the sun.
If you want to find out more about EFT, you can have a look at my website (). It shows you some other links as well for people that may be near to you that practice EFT.
Also, if you want to download a free manual on it, have a look at Gary Craigs website in the USA, which also gives you a list of all practitioners in the world. His site is
Keep your chin up and keep your faith in the fact that you can get better! We all want to help and also to listen to how you're doing. So please let us know if we can do anything for you.
Hugs[sm=grouphug.gif]
Steve
Answers:
My advice would be to make it a priority to find out exactly what it is that you want to be doing in five years time, who you want to be, where you want to be living and what kind of person you want to be.
Then write down as many tiny steps to that dream as you can - break it into the smallest bits you possibly can and then put them in the right order and start walking slowly along that path.
The difficulty can come in actually deciding what you want - so that has to be the most important 'thing' you do from now on. Write down all of your dreams even if they seem impossible and only make your five year goal something that you really want (not for the money or for anyone else's sake). What do you like doing most in the world? Whatever it is, there will be some way you can make a life out of it. Nothing is out of reach.
While you're looking forward to a bright future that you've designed for yourself, don't forget to live in the now. Buy books on present moment awareness or do a meditation class. No matter how bright your future or your past, if you don't live in the moment (which is the only thing that actually exists), your life is wasted. Continually letting yourself live behind a glass wall created by invasive thoughts about the past and the future, and not getting involved in the life you have now means that you'll reach the end of your life and wonder when it was that your life actually happened.
As for Seroxat - it's a scary drug, I was on it myself. Come off it slowly - and only when you're ready.
Good luck xxx
Answers:
My advice would be to make it a priority to find out exactly what it is that you want to be doing in five years time, who you want to be, where you want to be living and what kind of person you want to be.
Then write down as many tiny steps to that dream as you can - break it into the smallest bits you possibly can and then put them in the right order and start walking slowly along that path.
The difficulty can come in actually deciding what you want - so that has to be the most important 'thing' you do from now on. Write down all of your dreams even if they seem impossible and only make your five year goal something that you really want (not for the money or for anyone else's sake). What do you like doing most in the world? Whatever it is, there will be some way you can make a life out of it. Nothing is out of reach.
While you're looking forward to a bright future that you've designed for yourself, don't forget to live in the now. Buy books on present moment awareness or do a meditation class. No matter how bright your future or your past, if you don't live in the moment (which is the only thing that actually exists), your life is wasted. Continually letting yourself live behind a glass wall created by invasive thoughts about the past and the future, and not getting involved in the life you have now means that you'll reach the end of your life and wonder when it was that your life actually happened.
As for Seroxat - it's a scary drug, but very useful. I was on it myself once. Come off it slowly - and only when you're ready.
Good luck xxx
Answers:
Hello Mojo & Thunder:
WHat you are both experiencing seems to be close to my wife's experience. She also came off seroxat (after a couple rounds of painful attempts) and quit smoking (coming off her third relapse). It really does take some time for the body to stabilize itself from all that stuff. Two things I'd recommend that seem to make the most difference to my wife, and have helped many clients in the past would be to find an activity to delve into that interests you for its own sake (without necessarily making "make a life-changing decision" like joining an ashram) and get some regular exercise! These two approaches will 1. help you take the focus off the future and into the "here & now" and 2. assist your body to accelerate production of those brain chemicals it was lacking or stopped producing related to the depression, seroxat and smoking. Learn to meditate (sitting, walking or standing) or better yet to do Tai chi or yoga: physical action seems to help with depression more than contemplation while in a funk.
You may notice yourself gaining clarity on your situation by taking your conscious mind off it and immersing yourselves regularly and completely into simple activities like those I mentioned or something like gardening.
A good round of psychotherapy with a qualified therapist whom you feel you can connect to would probably help a great deal. Best wishes to you both!
Shining heart to heart, Alfred11:)
Answers:
Hi
I've downloaded the manual for EFT. I'll work through it, thanks for your help
Answers:
Thanks Dandelion, for such good advice and to everyone else who has posted so far. I eally am going to sit down this weekend and try and work through this, and I'll use the advice you've given me.
Much love
Answers:
Hi Mojomania,
I know what you're talking about! I left my career in media (sexist, pressurised, no sleep and soul-destroying) in March. I've changed my life around to working full-time as a hypnotherapist now and haven't looked back once.
You may be feeling like I did when I was right in the midst of training. You tend to take a long hard look at yourself while you're learning about other people's neuroses and question everything you'd taken for granted. This may be why you're feeling exhausted and depressed. However, it's a normal part of becoming a therapist and we should all go through a course of analytical therapy before launching into other people's issues.
As for direction, it took me three years of practising part-time to get used to the new skills and develop some word-of-mouth advertising. It's not always easy to find the time and energy after a long day at work, but the rewards are amazing & I always feel buzzing after a client leaves. Maybe it'll solve the money issues and the self-esteem together... Then there will come a time when you can't afford to keep ignoring the signs, and you take the plunge - it's thrilling. When did you last feel really alive?
I don't know whether this has helped inspire you or if you're just grinding your teeth, but feel free to contact me if you want more ideas/sounding board!
All the best,
Cat
[sm=cat.gif]
Answers:
Hi Mojo,
Sorry you're struggling.
My field is Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapy (CBP) and whilst I would never claim it to be the cure-all that some suggest and can be helpful as a starting point in getting a handle on what "the Problem" is and structuring where you want to go in your life from this point.
It's paricularly useful I find if you commonly experience negative thoughts, particulary about yourself and/or your abilities.
Depends where you live but there are increasing numbers of practitioners using CBP even in GP Surgeries.
Hope things go well......
Knuffel
Answers:
Hi Mojo
You seem stuck allright but to be stuck is to be living with the past, as has been said, what you may need is to let the past go to move to the future, this bit is always scary, as the past gives us security and the future gives us unknowns. I always find that to stop being stuck it helps to understand what is sticking you, write a list of these things and see what you can change first, which is the least scary option to start with. Try to change that and then the next and before you know it you will be moving on step at a time. The horse race is sometimes won by a nose only and each journey starts with one small step. If you want to e-mail to sort this out feel free to do so and I will help you all I can. FREE.
Regards
Ian
Answers:
Dear Mojo
Patience and timing is imperative for things to fall into place for you.
Sounds like you need a good detox following the medication and I also recommend some flower essences to help you on your way. If you need more then that I would recommend St Johns Wort to see you through. The medication that you have been on is pretty heavy stuff so you are probably getting some withdrawal symptoms.
Take it easy and be gentle with yourself.
Just give it love and a pat on the back for doing so well.
Congratulations for coming thus far!
"The world is your oyster and you are the pearl of wisdom inside a shell of love."
Quan Yin
Kim xx
But I don't find myself any clearer about where I want to go with all this. I can't make a decision about where I would like to focus my career. I'm just stuck, and it's becoming a real problem for lots of reasons (i.e. money, self esteem etc)
I suspect I may be a little depressed because I'm also over-eating and tired all the time. I recently began to come off a medication called seroxat (ugh) which my doctor gave me when my father died and I've also given up smoking. So I'm making some headway, but not nearly enough. I'm an intelligent, capable woman (usually) so why can't I get past this?
Any advice would be genuinely appreciated
Answers:
Hiya,
I know exactly how you feel cause in many ways I am going through the same...just that I am trying to come off painkillers...and cannot focus at all...I need life direction, but money gets in the way the lack of..
I do not work...and so want to do so many things but my intellect cannot focus on anything at all...i am 35 and just feel at a loss...I think maybe it is also because I am on my own and find it hard to get motivated...but you have got out there done the courses and still lack that extra something...any people out there know why this is...I have a few friends...I phone them but they are always busy...yet shyness and being deaf holds me back...
I gave up smoking, but before this when my mother died I spiralled into pain killer addiction...plus I think I have an eating disorder gorging one week then liquid diets the next...I suppose I am just not happy...I have my home but I now worry that money will not be there to furnish things...I am tired all the time too...
I did think of doing reiki but cannot even focus maybe its the heat...lol...I do not know like you I need direction too...
Hoping any one out there can guide us...
Thunder
Answers:
Answers:
Hi Thunder
I know how you feel, and I've been thinking about you all night since I read your reply. We both know that life should be better than this, right? One of your comments got me thinking, you said "you've done the courses but still lack that extra something" I think the key may be in those three words. Maybe it's just a matter of finding a hobby or an interest or a job that really turns on the passion.
What are your interests, what are you good at, what do you love? Maybe over the next few days we could help each other explore what is inside us. It may help us move forwards, and even if not, I'll have enjoyed the company.
:D
Answers:
Hi Mojo,
Just keep at it, there is plenty of advice on this forum!
Answers:
Hello there
Its not a pleasant place is it, stuck in a rut? You know, they say that being in a rut is just another name for a grave, with the ends kicked out.
I suppose what i am trying to say is that there is nowhere to go but up from here.
One way to get yourself out of the horrible place, is by using EFT. Emotional Freedom Techniques. It is like accupuncture but without using any needles.
It works on the premise that all thoughts are just energy that travel along meridian lines in our bodies. And energy can get blocked sometimes. To unblock the uncomfortable feelings, EFT taps on specific meridian points and, VOILA!!, the horrible place just melts away like snow in the sun.
If you want to find out more about EFT, you can have a look at my website (). It shows you some other links as well for people that may be near to you that practice EFT.
Also, if you want to download a free manual on it, have a look at Gary Craigs website in the USA, which also gives you a list of all practitioners in the world. His site is
Keep your chin up and keep your faith in the fact that you can get better! We all want to help and also to listen to how you're doing. So please let us know if we can do anything for you.
Hugs[sm=grouphug.gif]
Steve
Answers:
My advice would be to make it a priority to find out exactly what it is that you want to be doing in five years time, who you want to be, where you want to be living and what kind of person you want to be.
Then write down as many tiny steps to that dream as you can - break it into the smallest bits you possibly can and then put them in the right order and start walking slowly along that path.
The difficulty can come in actually deciding what you want - so that has to be the most important 'thing' you do from now on. Write down all of your dreams even if they seem impossible and only make your five year goal something that you really want (not for the money or for anyone else's sake). What do you like doing most in the world? Whatever it is, there will be some way you can make a life out of it. Nothing is out of reach.
While you're looking forward to a bright future that you've designed for yourself, don't forget to live in the now. Buy books on present moment awareness or do a meditation class. No matter how bright your future or your past, if you don't live in the moment (which is the only thing that actually exists), your life is wasted. Continually letting yourself live behind a glass wall created by invasive thoughts about the past and the future, and not getting involved in the life you have now means that you'll reach the end of your life and wonder when it was that your life actually happened.
As for Seroxat - it's a scary drug, I was on it myself. Come off it slowly - and only when you're ready.
Good luck xxx
Answers:
My advice would be to make it a priority to find out exactly what it is that you want to be doing in five years time, who you want to be, where you want to be living and what kind of person you want to be.
Then write down as many tiny steps to that dream as you can - break it into the smallest bits you possibly can and then put them in the right order and start walking slowly along that path.
The difficulty can come in actually deciding what you want - so that has to be the most important 'thing' you do from now on. Write down all of your dreams even if they seem impossible and only make your five year goal something that you really want (not for the money or for anyone else's sake). What do you like doing most in the world? Whatever it is, there will be some way you can make a life out of it. Nothing is out of reach.
While you're looking forward to a bright future that you've designed for yourself, don't forget to live in the now. Buy books on present moment awareness or do a meditation class. No matter how bright your future or your past, if you don't live in the moment (which is the only thing that actually exists), your life is wasted. Continually letting yourself live behind a glass wall created by invasive thoughts about the past and the future, and not getting involved in the life you have now means that you'll reach the end of your life and wonder when it was that your life actually happened.
As for Seroxat - it's a scary drug, but very useful. I was on it myself once. Come off it slowly - and only when you're ready.
Good luck xxx
Answers:
Hello Mojo & Thunder:
WHat you are both experiencing seems to be close to my wife's experience. She also came off seroxat (after a couple rounds of painful attempts) and quit smoking (coming off her third relapse). It really does take some time for the body to stabilize itself from all that stuff. Two things I'd recommend that seem to make the most difference to my wife, and have helped many clients in the past would be to find an activity to delve into that interests you for its own sake (without necessarily making "make a life-changing decision" like joining an ashram) and get some regular exercise! These two approaches will 1. help you take the focus off the future and into the "here & now" and 2. assist your body to accelerate production of those brain chemicals it was lacking or stopped producing related to the depression, seroxat and smoking. Learn to meditate (sitting, walking or standing) or better yet to do Tai chi or yoga: physical action seems to help with depression more than contemplation while in a funk.
You may notice yourself gaining clarity on your situation by taking your conscious mind off it and immersing yourselves regularly and completely into simple activities like those I mentioned or something like gardening.
A good round of psychotherapy with a qualified therapist whom you feel you can connect to would probably help a great deal. Best wishes to you both!
Shining heart to heart, Alfred11:)
Answers:
Hi
I've downloaded the manual for EFT. I'll work through it, thanks for your help
Answers:
Thanks Dandelion, for such good advice and to everyone else who has posted so far. I eally am going to sit down this weekend and try and work through this, and I'll use the advice you've given me.
Much love
Answers:
Hi Mojomania,
I know what you're talking about! I left my career in media (sexist, pressurised, no sleep and soul-destroying) in March. I've changed my life around to working full-time as a hypnotherapist now and haven't looked back once.
You may be feeling like I did when I was right in the midst of training. You tend to take a long hard look at yourself while you're learning about other people's neuroses and question everything you'd taken for granted. This may be why you're feeling exhausted and depressed. However, it's a normal part of becoming a therapist and we should all go through a course of analytical therapy before launching into other people's issues.
As for direction, it took me three years of practising part-time to get used to the new skills and develop some word-of-mouth advertising. It's not always easy to find the time and energy after a long day at work, but the rewards are amazing & I always feel buzzing after a client leaves. Maybe it'll solve the money issues and the self-esteem together... Then there will come a time when you can't afford to keep ignoring the signs, and you take the plunge - it's thrilling. When did you last feel really alive?
I don't know whether this has helped inspire you or if you're just grinding your teeth, but feel free to contact me if you want more ideas/sounding board!
All the best,
Cat
[sm=cat.gif]
Answers:
Hi Mojo,
Sorry you're struggling.
My field is Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapy (CBP) and whilst I would never claim it to be the cure-all that some suggest and can be helpful as a starting point in getting a handle on what "the Problem" is and structuring where you want to go in your life from this point.
It's paricularly useful I find if you commonly experience negative thoughts, particulary about yourself and/or your abilities.
Depends where you live but there are increasing numbers of practitioners using CBP even in GP Surgeries.
Hope things go well......
Knuffel
Answers:
Hi Mojo
You seem stuck allright but to be stuck is to be living with the past, as has been said, what you may need is to let the past go to move to the future, this bit is always scary, as the past gives us security and the future gives us unknowns. I always find that to stop being stuck it helps to understand what is sticking you, write a list of these things and see what you can change first, which is the least scary option to start with. Try to change that and then the next and before you know it you will be moving on step at a time. The horse race is sometimes won by a nose only and each journey starts with one small step. If you want to e-mail to sort this out feel free to do so and I will help you all I can. FREE.
Regards
Ian
Answers:
Dear Mojo
Patience and timing is imperative for things to fall into place for you.
Sounds like you need a good detox following the medication and I also recommend some flower essences to help you on your way. If you need more then that I would recommend St Johns Wort to see you through. The medication that you have been on is pretty heavy stuff so you are probably getting some withdrawal symptoms.
Take it easy and be gentle with yourself.
Just give it love and a pat on the back for doing so well.
Congratulations for coming thus far!
"The world is your oyster and you are the pearl of wisdom inside a shell of love."
Quan Yin
Kim xx