depression
My life is now seems like not worth living no more. Recently I lost my driving licence . Having accepted this and although it has made things very difficult ie to pick up my children from my ex girlfriend ect , got round getting to work not too bad now. But now my ex has falsly accused me of saying that i tried to get her to cahnge her statement when i was going to go for an appeal against my driving ban.So now even though i dropped my appeal i now face being charged for this and she has also stopped me form having any contact with my children (twins) i have not seen them or spoken to them now for 2 weeks , i cannot take this no more, i'm so worried about whats going to happen if they believe her i'd lose my job too , i'v had for 24 years, she won't even let someone else pick up my kids s o that i can see them it hurts so much i miss them very dearly. Tommorrow my son Ethan is going to hospital to have a minor surgey under general, i was thinking of going there as i'm worried but shes already put a stop to that , had a letter from her solictor
saying that i should not attend. Its my twins birthday on 13th march , they will be 3 then , i'm not even going to be able to see them then, what s the point anymore , my children must be wondering whats going on i used to see them regularly. I cannot sleep , keep waking up , i took a week off work as i cannot seem to concentrate on anything anymore. I'm afraid i'm going to do something to myself i keep on thinking suicidal thoughts especially when im at the train station , i never used to be like this , ever.
i know that if i'm cahrged falsly i will certainly not hesitate as i would lose everything there will be no point , i;m so distressed i don't know what to do , i'v tried talking to my lodger but i never mention about my suicide thoghts i'm too emabarrassed.
I walked up to the park today nad sat there for an hour just thinking about my twins who used to play there, i just wish i could be with them and see them i miss them so much its very painfull feeling s for me how can sh e do this ? I would never ever not allow my children access to their parent.
i don;t know what to do now ive started to drink very heavily too now nearly every day it seems. What can i do?
Date 29.2.04, 18
Answers:
Raj, sorry to hear your life isn't going well at the moment. I'm afraid I can't really offer any help as such as I've never been in the same situation however try and hang on in there as great things grow from adversity.
Drink isn't the answer - I know you already know that to be true but sometimes we seem to hit the 'self destruct button' when life gets unbearable. If you ex is aware of your drinking habits she could use this against you in court to prevent further access to the children.
Try finding a councellor or a group that can help - there are lots of fathers in your situation who are devastated because they cannot see their children.
Good luck and hope you manage to hang on long enough for the sun to shine for you again.
Answers:
I'm really thinking of you Raj, I have never been in your situation, but I have thought my life was over. Things do get better - even when you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang on in there. Wand is right - a counsellor will help - there are plenty out there who will help. Drinking will probably make the situation worse, when you are in a depressed state and you drink it actually aggrivates the problem and you will feel more depressed.
You are in my thoughts....
Rubbercat
XXXX
Answers:
Dear Raj
I also tried to take my own life and after my son was born he was the only reason that I had to live for, the thought of him was what kept me going.
Drink is an escape from what we feel but it only makes what we feel more exagerated and stops us being able to make the right decisions and plans on how to deal with everything so although you are very stressed out right now go easy OK!
The first thing that I would do is speak to the courts and a solicitor about obtaining official access to the children under usual circumstance no judge will stop parents seeing their children. Your behaviour must be rational though.....so start making plans for next week...
Try not to worry about job and the appeal right now, one step at a time otherwise the problems build into a mountain that is hard to cope with.
One day at a time......on thing at a time....life is worth living for the children they love you and they are worth fighting for.
Do speak to your friends and lodger they can be amazingly supportive and a listening ear, also recommend that you see the doctor too and at the very least take some St John's Wort or emergency flower essences, rescue remedy can be picked up from Boots.
Fight on Raj don't give up and you won't regret it.
Prayers for you, love, light and healing through this very harsh time.
You will come through it, have faith and believe in yourself and your children.
blessings in abundance
Kim xx
Answers:
Oh my dear Raj my heart goes out to you. Do see your doctor and get help for the depression. You need people to talk to, preferably face to face, about your problems. If this is not possible there's always someone here on HP and we are all good listeners. Offload your worries here it will make you feel better I can guarantee it.
I am sending you Reiki to help you feel better and also sending Reiki to your situation regarding your children, job, licence etc. Please don't despair there's ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel so keep focussed on that. [sm=hug.gif][sm=hug.gif][sm=hug.gif]
Answers:
[sm=FIFangel.gif] hello,dear Raj!
i can so much feel with u, being away from our children is the most terrible emotional hell...being worse only if our children are deprived from our love as your twins would be in case u would take your life.
do u really wanna do this to them? they need u and love u unconditionally, keep being aware of this...though at the present u r not able/allowed to show them all your love, u can send it, radiate to them in your heart all the time ...they do sense and feel your love even when u r not close to them...the children are so much more receptive and open up to higher realms than we adults are
so keep the faith in power of the greatest love between your twins and u...love being undestroyable,limitless
do keep thinking of them but with the smile of your heart, remembering and feeling all the beauty of them, like u r with them...in fact u r,in your heart and mind, arent u? dont allow nothing and noone to destroy meanwhile the harsh reality of the present time will change...u've come to the right place for geniune support [sm=grouphug.gif]
u've already been replied with some good advices ....would reccomend too Rescue Bach remedies, from my experience they make much lighter and easier going through hell
keep in touch with us
sending u a lot of waves of healing love and light
may u always feel the divine love and light
Ali
Angel Heart of Love
Answers:
thanks for all your supports and comments. My son was in hospital today had a minor op under general though , i knew about this date and also had a letter from her solictor advising me not to attend , which i did not. Although that hurt very musch , i wanted to be there for him , for both of my children, you know i tried to call the hospital , looks like she has tol dthem noyt to give me any info on his well being , how couls she do this, they would not tell me anything at all. I'm very upset about this today , its never ending all this hurt and trouble ,God bless my children they must be asking for me , who know what she is telling them , why daddy is not there for them , why he is not seeing them , who knows. I'm just praying and wishing for some good news now , some good news.
Answers:
Oh my dear raj, my heart nearly leapt out, by reading your forum, Please seek some medical help, you can also speak to the Citzens Advice Bureau, about your terrible situation. There will be a solution to this, as I believe ifa problem occurs, there is always a answer to follow it.
I will send you some healing, and I ask that ALL HP'ERS PLEASE SEND LIGHT AND HEALING, to help him.
Please do not fell suicidal, with help, you can get through this, I know it seems but how, there wil be a solution.
Sacredstar So soory to hear about your bad experience, I know you are alot stronger, now, but I would still like to send you healing, and ask all hp'ers to do the same, as you are much loved by everyone, you have been with us from the start, well, speaking from me.
Take GOOD CARE, to you both, and sending,[sm=1kis.gif][sm=FIFangel.gif][sm=sandrine.gif][sm=hug.gif]
Answers:
Raj i have been through simular stuff if not alot worse i do not wish to share it at this moment but i hear your pain.I am not sure why this is happening to you but what i will say is this is a prime opportunity to look at your stuff and change. When we change people around us change.So you can try and put down drink look at why you are depressed.My take on depression is that it is depressed rage and anger underneath that is a well of grief and sadness and this is what we need to heal.I have spent my life thinking suicidal thoughts if not homicidal and it was and still can be surpressed rage.It is a great time for a resurrection from this pain and your children will benifit from having a more loving and open Dad.Great things happen when we open our hearts to healing.This is not some ideal chit chat i am living proof of it.I have been to hell and back my friend and if i can do it you can i have faith in your ability to pick yourself up and heal this.Then miracles can happen if you open your heart.Raj you go for it my friend and i am holding you in this painfull time with peace and kindness.Please dont hesitate to PM me i have loads of good info on great stuff i have done.GOOD LUCK
Answers:
Hello Raj, I wish you courage and calm as you face your challenges. You have received practical advice and emotional support from others here. You can get cherry plum flower remedy from Boots . This is excellent to transform suicidal thoughts.When you notice your thoughts going round and round in a negative circle, decide to stop and look for a thought that feels just a little bit better.This will help to turn them around and in turning your thoughts around you can begin to turn your experiences round too.bit by bit..little by little. How about thinking up a story or two that you can tell them when you next get to se them...for this will surely happen.
take good care of yourself
tigress
Answers:
Dear All
Well I keep noticing that Raj keeps popping in so he is reading your loving and heartfelt messages me thinks!
Dear Raj
We are still here for you.
beinglove
Kim xx
Answers:
yes sorry , i am listening to all your reply's thanks very much , much appreciated very much. i am trying to do the things you have suggested.
Although hav eto admitt its still very hard , i'm a bit worried about seeing gp ect what other effects will this have on me in future if i tel them my thoughts ects, i know it sounds silly esp after what thoughts are in my mind I know.
Its very hard at present i keep on worrying about my children everey day seems forever since i lst spoke to them or seen them yet they are only half mile away. I am trying to keep a level head believe me , thanks for your support.
saying that i should not attend. Its my twins birthday on 13th march , they will be 3 then , i'm not even going to be able to see them then, what s the point anymore , my children must be wondering whats going on i used to see them regularly. I cannot sleep , keep waking up , i took a week off work as i cannot seem to concentrate on anything anymore. I'm afraid i'm going to do something to myself i keep on thinking suicidal thoughts especially when im at the train station , i never used to be like this , ever.
i know that if i'm cahrged falsly i will certainly not hesitate as i would lose everything there will be no point , i;m so distressed i don't know what to do , i'v tried talking to my lodger but i never mention about my suicide thoghts i'm too emabarrassed.
I walked up to the park today nad sat there for an hour just thinking about my twins who used to play there, i just wish i could be with them and see them i miss them so much its very painfull feeling s for me how can sh e do this ? I would never ever not allow my children access to their parent.
i don;t know what to do now ive started to drink very heavily too now nearly every day it seems. What can i do?
Date 29.2.04, 18
Answers:
Raj, sorry to hear your life isn't going well at the moment. I'm afraid I can't really offer any help as such as I've never been in the same situation however try and hang on in there as great things grow from adversity.
Drink isn't the answer - I know you already know that to be true but sometimes we seem to hit the 'self destruct button' when life gets unbearable. If you ex is aware of your drinking habits she could use this against you in court to prevent further access to the children.
Try finding a councellor or a group that can help - there are lots of fathers in your situation who are devastated because they cannot see their children.
Good luck and hope you manage to hang on long enough for the sun to shine for you again.
Answers:
I'm really thinking of you Raj, I have never been in your situation, but I have thought my life was over. Things do get better - even when you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang on in there. Wand is right - a counsellor will help - there are plenty out there who will help. Drinking will probably make the situation worse, when you are in a depressed state and you drink it actually aggrivates the problem and you will feel more depressed.
You are in my thoughts....
Rubbercat
XXXX
Answers:
Dear Raj
I also tried to take my own life and after my son was born he was the only reason that I had to live for, the thought of him was what kept me going.
Drink is an escape from what we feel but it only makes what we feel more exagerated and stops us being able to make the right decisions and plans on how to deal with everything so although you are very stressed out right now go easy OK!
The first thing that I would do is speak to the courts and a solicitor about obtaining official access to the children under usual circumstance no judge will stop parents seeing their children. Your behaviour must be rational though.....so start making plans for next week...
Try not to worry about job and the appeal right now, one step at a time otherwise the problems build into a mountain that is hard to cope with.
One day at a time......on thing at a time....life is worth living for the children they love you and they are worth fighting for.
Do speak to your friends and lodger they can be amazingly supportive and a listening ear, also recommend that you see the doctor too and at the very least take some St John's Wort or emergency flower essences, rescue remedy can be picked up from Boots.
Fight on Raj don't give up and you won't regret it.
Prayers for you, love, light and healing through this very harsh time.
You will come through it, have faith and believe in yourself and your children.
blessings in abundance
Kim xx
Answers:
Oh my dear Raj my heart goes out to you. Do see your doctor and get help for the depression. You need people to talk to, preferably face to face, about your problems. If this is not possible there's always someone here on HP and we are all good listeners. Offload your worries here it will make you feel better I can guarantee it.
I am sending you Reiki to help you feel better and also sending Reiki to your situation regarding your children, job, licence etc. Please don't despair there's ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel so keep focussed on that. [sm=hug.gif][sm=hug.gif][sm=hug.gif]
Answers:
[sm=FIFangel.gif] hello,dear Raj!
i can so much feel with u, being away from our children is the most terrible emotional hell...being worse only if our children are deprived from our love as your twins would be in case u would take your life.
do u really wanna do this to them? they need u and love u unconditionally, keep being aware of this...though at the present u r not able/allowed to show them all your love, u can send it, radiate to them in your heart all the time ...they do sense and feel your love even when u r not close to them...the children are so much more receptive and open up to higher realms than we adults are
so keep the faith in power of the greatest love between your twins and u...love being undestroyable,limitless
do keep thinking of them but with the smile of your heart, remembering and feeling all the beauty of them, like u r with them...in fact u r,in your heart and mind, arent u? dont allow nothing and noone to destroy meanwhile the harsh reality of the present time will change...u've come to the right place for geniune support [sm=grouphug.gif]
u've already been replied with some good advices ....would reccomend too Rescue Bach remedies, from my experience they make much lighter and easier going through hell
keep in touch with us
sending u a lot of waves of healing love and light
may u always feel the divine love and light
Ali
Angel Heart of Love
Answers:
thanks for all your supports and comments. My son was in hospital today had a minor op under general though , i knew about this date and also had a letter from her solictor advising me not to attend , which i did not. Although that hurt very musch , i wanted to be there for him , for both of my children, you know i tried to call the hospital , looks like she has tol dthem noyt to give me any info on his well being , how couls she do this, they would not tell me anything at all. I'm very upset about this today , its never ending all this hurt and trouble ,God bless my children they must be asking for me , who know what she is telling them , why daddy is not there for them , why he is not seeing them , who knows. I'm just praying and wishing for some good news now , some good news.
Answers:
Oh my dear raj, my heart nearly leapt out, by reading your forum, Please seek some medical help, you can also speak to the Citzens Advice Bureau, about your terrible situation. There will be a solution to this, as I believe ifa problem occurs, there is always a answer to follow it.
I will send you some healing, and I ask that ALL HP'ERS PLEASE SEND LIGHT AND HEALING, to help him.
Please do not fell suicidal, with help, you can get through this, I know it seems but how, there wil be a solution.
Sacredstar So soory to hear about your bad experience, I know you are alot stronger, now, but I would still like to send you healing, and ask all hp'ers to do the same, as you are much loved by everyone, you have been with us from the start, well, speaking from me.
Take GOOD CARE, to you both, and sending,[sm=1kis.gif][sm=FIFangel.gif][sm=sandrine.gif][sm=hug.gif]
Answers:
Raj i have been through simular stuff if not alot worse i do not wish to share it at this moment but i hear your pain.I am not sure why this is happening to you but what i will say is this is a prime opportunity to look at your stuff and change. When we change people around us change.So you can try and put down drink look at why you are depressed.My take on depression is that it is depressed rage and anger underneath that is a well of grief and sadness and this is what we need to heal.I have spent my life thinking suicidal thoughts if not homicidal and it was and still can be surpressed rage.It is a great time for a resurrection from this pain and your children will benifit from having a more loving and open Dad.Great things happen when we open our hearts to healing.This is not some ideal chit chat i am living proof of it.I have been to hell and back my friend and if i can do it you can i have faith in your ability to pick yourself up and heal this.Then miracles can happen if you open your heart.Raj you go for it my friend and i am holding you in this painfull time with peace and kindness.Please dont hesitate to PM me i have loads of good info on great stuff i have done.GOOD LUCK
Answers:
Hello Raj, I wish you courage and calm as you face your challenges. You have received practical advice and emotional support from others here. You can get cherry plum flower remedy from Boots . This is excellent to transform suicidal thoughts.When you notice your thoughts going round and round in a negative circle, decide to stop and look for a thought that feels just a little bit better.This will help to turn them around and in turning your thoughts around you can begin to turn your experiences round too.bit by bit..little by little. How about thinking up a story or two that you can tell them when you next get to se them...for this will surely happen.
take good care of yourself
tigress
Answers:
Dear All
Well I keep noticing that Raj keeps popping in so he is reading your loving and heartfelt messages me thinks!
Dear Raj
We are still here for you.
beinglove
Kim xx
Answers:
yes sorry , i am listening to all your reply's thanks very much , much appreciated very much. i am trying to do the things you have suggested.
Although hav eto admitt its still very hard , i'm a bit worried about seeing gp ect what other effects will this have on me in future if i tel them my thoughts ects, i know it sounds silly esp after what thoughts are in my mind I know.
Its very hard at present i keep on worrying about my children everey day seems forever since i lst spoke to them or seen them yet they are only half mile away. I am trying to keep a level head believe me , thanks for your support.