Sexual Intercourse
I have a friend who I grew up with an we confide in each other quite a lot.
She mentioned to me the other day, that although she has been married for over 2 years they have never had sexual intercourse.
Does this sound right to anyone, and do you think there are others out there like her? Not sure how to advise her.
Please help
Answers:
MMMMMMMMMM strange one that. But what is normal? If the 2 ppl love each other and it works for them then that is great. But I would suggest that if one of the parties has a high sex drive and the other one doesn't that they may not be compatible. Have they seen a marriage councillor?
Answers:
Thanks for your advice.
As fat as I know they do love each other, but it seems as though neither of them are that fussed about having sex.
What concerns me is that she was saying that she would like to have children and they haven't even constamated their marriage as yet.
Answers:
Dear Is that what you really want.
Gamb1T247 is indeed right when he says that is strange. I wonder if the marriage may be convenient or perhaps they made an error of judgement. It is possible to love someone enough not to need physical relations between two people but I would not be sure that this is the case here.
Obviously I dont know the partys concerned so I cannot really comment but I would be fairly certain that the fact that the marriage was never consummated would indicate that something isnt right about the whole thing.
You say that you are unsure how to advise her, does that mean that she has brought this issue to you in the hope that you can guide her to a solution? If so then I would suggest that the fact that she is trying to resolve the matter would say to me that she is feeling the need for physical contact between herself and her partner.
Has her partner ever discussed the possibility of not being aroused by females. Unfortunately, some people still sadly feel compelled to marry to disguise their real sexual orientation. I am not implying that this is the case with your friend however, all avenues should be investigated to seek a solution to a very strange problem.
I hope I have not caused offence as this was not my intention....
Blessings to you friend
Emeraldstar
Answers:
Thanks for the comments.
I guess (not sure if I should be tellnig you this) she was forced into having sex about 10 years ago and it was a horrible experience for her.
That has obviously affected her in some way or form, she is very affectionate towards her husband and I know for a fact that it works both ways but when it comes to the crunch she just can't do it.
I have advised her previously on many occasions that sex can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn't have to hurt or be painful but she's just not having it.
Answers:
If shes had a horrible experience then I dont really blame her. Not wanting sex is very common in people that have been abused in the past.
Why should partners *have* to have sex? I know many couples that are extremely happy but arent bothered by sex. I think its a thing that everyone thinks you have to do in a relationship. Especially with all the advertising and media telling everyone it should be the single most important thing in a relationship. Surely compassion and understanding is and if your friend is happy that way (as is her partner) then who are we to judge?
Answers:
Thanks Doogle,
The fact is that she does want sex but she's scared of being hurt or put through the pain.
Answers:
Then councilling would be a good idea I would of thought? Has she ever spoken to someone about it? its not something you can just put to the back of your mind.
There are loads of really good support groups that could help your friend (if she wants to be helped), I'll see if I can dig out some numbers.
Answers:
thanks I hope this helps her as I feel simply just talking to me is just not enough anymore
Answers:
No problem ITWYRW, I'm sure it was difficult for her to talk to you to start with but she has made a very big step already in talking to one person. I'll find those numbers for your friend when I get home.
Answers:
I have been reading some of the post's here and it got me wondering. When you say she and her husband doesn't have sex does this mean they dont have any closeness whatsoever? Or is it just the penatrative side? I do think that doogle is right that she and her husband maybe do need to go to councelling. for her to come to tearms with what happened to her and move on, and to learn her husband to take it slow with her and not rush. Although i dont know if he is or not pushing her into sex. From what i have heard on here i very much doubt it he sounds like a very understanding bloke. But like everyone says to me she needs to take it one day at a time and most deffinately seek help to help her get a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Good luck to your freind, I really mean that.
Answers:
Thanks to Doogle and yourself.
I have just spoken to my friend a little while ago, and although she isn't impressed that I am exposing her a little, she is glad that there may be someone out there that may be able to guide her.
Answers:
If I could just come into this conversation and add something you might be interested in.
I personally have known three couples who are together, or have been, (one couple has since passed away) for a very long time, with no marital intimacy. Their lives were and are, rich and active, and one is a famous author, whom for obvious reasons I cannot name.
In all these cases however, it was mutual agreement from the beginning, and I do understand the difference between that and sudden cessation for no apparant reason of normal married life.
It was simply to show that marriages and relationships can and do survive happily without the need for sex, on quite a lot more occasions than perhaps we would imagine.
Love Gillyxxx
She mentioned to me the other day, that although she has been married for over 2 years they have never had sexual intercourse.
Does this sound right to anyone, and do you think there are others out there like her? Not sure how to advise her.
Please help
Answers:
MMMMMMMMMM strange one that. But what is normal? If the 2 ppl love each other and it works for them then that is great. But I would suggest that if one of the parties has a high sex drive and the other one doesn't that they may not be compatible. Have they seen a marriage councillor?
Answers:
Thanks for your advice.
As fat as I know they do love each other, but it seems as though neither of them are that fussed about having sex.
What concerns me is that she was saying that she would like to have children and they haven't even constamated their marriage as yet.
Answers:
Dear Is that what you really want.
Gamb1T247 is indeed right when he says that is strange. I wonder if the marriage may be convenient or perhaps they made an error of judgement. It is possible to love someone enough not to need physical relations between two people but I would not be sure that this is the case here.
Obviously I dont know the partys concerned so I cannot really comment but I would be fairly certain that the fact that the marriage was never consummated would indicate that something isnt right about the whole thing.
You say that you are unsure how to advise her, does that mean that she has brought this issue to you in the hope that you can guide her to a solution? If so then I would suggest that the fact that she is trying to resolve the matter would say to me that she is feeling the need for physical contact between herself and her partner.
Has her partner ever discussed the possibility of not being aroused by females. Unfortunately, some people still sadly feel compelled to marry to disguise their real sexual orientation. I am not implying that this is the case with your friend however, all avenues should be investigated to seek a solution to a very strange problem.
I hope I have not caused offence as this was not my intention....
Blessings to you friend
Emeraldstar
Answers:
Thanks for the comments.
I guess (not sure if I should be tellnig you this) she was forced into having sex about 10 years ago and it was a horrible experience for her.
That has obviously affected her in some way or form, she is very affectionate towards her husband and I know for a fact that it works both ways but when it comes to the crunch she just can't do it.
I have advised her previously on many occasions that sex can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn't have to hurt or be painful but she's just not having it.
Answers:
If shes had a horrible experience then I dont really blame her. Not wanting sex is very common in people that have been abused in the past.
Why should partners *have* to have sex? I know many couples that are extremely happy but arent bothered by sex. I think its a thing that everyone thinks you have to do in a relationship. Especially with all the advertising and media telling everyone it should be the single most important thing in a relationship. Surely compassion and understanding is and if your friend is happy that way (as is her partner) then who are we to judge?
Answers:
Thanks Doogle,
The fact is that she does want sex but she's scared of being hurt or put through the pain.
Answers:
Then councilling would be a good idea I would of thought? Has she ever spoken to someone about it? its not something you can just put to the back of your mind.
There are loads of really good support groups that could help your friend (if she wants to be helped), I'll see if I can dig out some numbers.
Answers:
thanks I hope this helps her as I feel simply just talking to me is just not enough anymore
Answers:
No problem ITWYRW, I'm sure it was difficult for her to talk to you to start with but she has made a very big step already in talking to one person. I'll find those numbers for your friend when I get home.
Answers:
I have been reading some of the post's here and it got me wondering. When you say she and her husband doesn't have sex does this mean they dont have any closeness whatsoever? Or is it just the penatrative side? I do think that doogle is right that she and her husband maybe do need to go to councelling. for her to come to tearms with what happened to her and move on, and to learn her husband to take it slow with her and not rush. Although i dont know if he is or not pushing her into sex. From what i have heard on here i very much doubt it he sounds like a very understanding bloke. But like everyone says to me she needs to take it one day at a time and most deffinately seek help to help her get a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Good luck to your freind, I really mean that.
Answers:
Thanks to Doogle and yourself.
I have just spoken to my friend a little while ago, and although she isn't impressed that I am exposing her a little, she is glad that there may be someone out there that may be able to guide her.
Answers:
If I could just come into this conversation and add something you might be interested in.
I personally have known three couples who are together, or have been, (one couple has since passed away) for a very long time, with no marital intimacy. Their lives were and are, rich and active, and one is a famous author, whom for obvious reasons I cannot name.
In all these cases however, it was mutual agreement from the beginning, and I do understand the difference between that and sudden cessation for no apparant reason of normal married life.
It was simply to show that marriages and relationships can and do survive happily without the need for sex, on quite a lot more occasions than perhaps we would imagine.
Love Gillyxxx