HIGH maintenance child with HORRIBLE attitude/temper
I have two kids. They're both boys. My eldest is 3 years old and the youngest is 2 years old. I know that no two kids are the same, but I was previously married and was a step-mother to two children at this same age for a while. I realize that there are temper tantrums and that it's normal for this age.....but my eldest is above and beyond!
He's the sweetest little boy.....BUT......he's got a horrible temper and is a total control freak. (I know - what toddler isn't?) I'm just trying to find out what worked for some of you.
He SCREAMS at the top of his lungs at his brother, he throws himself on the floor and SCREAMS as soon as we walk through the door when we get home. He's ANGRY that dinner isn't ready yet. He's just a very high maintenance child. I know that what I am writing sounds totally normal - and it is....just take it to the next level.
I feel like I gave birth to two kids that one of which is MISTER MISERABLE. He is just a nasty little child (temper and attiitude).
We do time outs, spankings, and I have taken away his "special toys" and it works for a bit - but not really. I do offer incentives for good behavior and it works, but once he gets what he wants he gets nasty again.
I'm beyond frustrated. I am tired of waking up to him SCREAMING at the top of his lungs for no reason. I am also tired of him being so nasty to the cat and dog and SCREAMING at them.
Any suggestions? Our house is NOT like this at all.....so where is it coming from? His brother is totally opposite. He's quiet, and yeah, he has temper tantrums, but he's just an easier child to parent.
I love them both dearly - so please don't think I am being ugly!
Answers:
Hi Jennifer, do you think that he is angry? Are you sure that you aren't screaming? Whenever I would dislike a behavior that I saw in my children I could always trace it back to me modeling the behavior first. Do you spend time with your boys doing things with them so that they get to have positive interactions with you? This always worked with my kids. If we get dragged down with our childcare duties I think that it comes across and the children sense our unhappiness and it makes them worse. If we can set a more positive tone it can do wonders. Can you give him a little snack when you get home so that he isn't so hungry? I know how irritable anyone can get when their blood sugar drops. Have you tried to tell him calmly that screaming is not appropriate and then get him to tell you calmly what is wrong? You know, the "use your words" routine? You HAVE to stay calm, though. When the other person starts screaming (which I know is easy to do, I do it) it just escalates the situation and no one learns anything.
Answers:
Is it possible that he is jealous of his younger brother? He was still pretty much a baby when your second one came along, and he could have formed resentful feelings because your attention and affection had to be split. Maybe try some time with him that is just him and you, no little brother at all. Good luck.
Answers:
check out Oppositional Defiance Disorder.
Answers:
That fact that he is a least temporarily responding to the rewards and/or punishments you set out is good. The only suggestion I have is making sure you are consistant and as for the yelling, ignore it. I know easier said than done, but w/ my dd we would quietly respond once that we don't "hear" yelling, and to try again in quiet voice, then we ignored her until she did.
He's the sweetest little boy.....BUT......he's got a horrible temper and is a total control freak. (I know - what toddler isn't?) I'm just trying to find out what worked for some of you.
He SCREAMS at the top of his lungs at his brother, he throws himself on the floor and SCREAMS as soon as we walk through the door when we get home. He's ANGRY that dinner isn't ready yet. He's just a very high maintenance child. I know that what I am writing sounds totally normal - and it is....just take it to the next level.
I feel like I gave birth to two kids that one of which is MISTER MISERABLE. He is just a nasty little child (temper and attiitude).
We do time outs, spankings, and I have taken away his "special toys" and it works for a bit - but not really. I do offer incentives for good behavior and it works, but once he gets what he wants he gets nasty again.
I'm beyond frustrated. I am tired of waking up to him SCREAMING at the top of his lungs for no reason. I am also tired of him being so nasty to the cat and dog and SCREAMING at them.
Any suggestions? Our house is NOT like this at all.....so where is it coming from? His brother is totally opposite. He's quiet, and yeah, he has temper tantrums, but he's just an easier child to parent.
I love them both dearly - so please don't think I am being ugly!
Answers:
Hi Jennifer, do you think that he is angry? Are you sure that you aren't screaming? Whenever I would dislike a behavior that I saw in my children I could always trace it back to me modeling the behavior first. Do you spend time with your boys doing things with them so that they get to have positive interactions with you? This always worked with my kids. If we get dragged down with our childcare duties I think that it comes across and the children sense our unhappiness and it makes them worse. If we can set a more positive tone it can do wonders. Can you give him a little snack when you get home so that he isn't so hungry? I know how irritable anyone can get when their blood sugar drops. Have you tried to tell him calmly that screaming is not appropriate and then get him to tell you calmly what is wrong? You know, the "use your words" routine? You HAVE to stay calm, though. When the other person starts screaming (which I know is easy to do, I do it) it just escalates the situation and no one learns anything.
Answers:
Is it possible that he is jealous of his younger brother? He was still pretty much a baby when your second one came along, and he could have formed resentful feelings because your attention and affection had to be split. Maybe try some time with him that is just him and you, no little brother at all. Good luck.
Answers:
check out Oppositional Defiance Disorder.
Answers:
That fact that he is a least temporarily responding to the rewards and/or punishments you set out is good. The only suggestion I have is making sure you are consistant and as for the yelling, ignore it. I know easier said than done, but w/ my dd we would quietly respond once that we don't "hear" yelling, and to try again in quiet voice, then we ignored her until she did.