Wicked stepmother - Page 3
Unfortunately, the court system isn't going to care about any of this. It is frustrating, but there isn't much you can do. I would save her letters and ignore their contents. Just do what you want. Soon your D will be old enough that she won't let her SM ruin her hair. The ONLY way I would say anything (and I would say it in writing) is if she has said anything negative about you or your parenting to your daughter. If that is the case I would firmly state that any and all parenting issues are not to be discussed with or in the presence of the child.
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Answers:
I am a step mother and I think I learned a lot more about being a mother once I had my two children. I am one of the good step-moms. At first I don't think the Mother and I got along so well but after 10 years we are great. I remember telling my husband I didn't think the Mother did a good job with this or that and we would be better care takers, bla bla bla. Now I look back and want to slap myself for acting like that. My step-daughters Mother loves her. She is a great Mother and I was just being jelous and stupid.
It took me (the step-mother) letting go and allowing her (the ex) and my husband to raise the child without my always being a part of it. I guess you could say I put the best interest of my step-daughter first and literally. Before it was Oh I don't think her Mom did this right or that right. Now I shut up. She is a happy heathly child who is doing so well in both homes. I love her so much and want her Mother around. We talk a lot and work together on anything that needs to be. She is a great Mother and women. Even though I wouldn't do things the way she does all the time, I still have complete respect for her and that is what a lot of steps don't have. I understand that she is the Mother. And she loves my children very much.
We are like this exstended kind of family and we work together great. Kind of the Demi Moore situation. People really do have to move past their jelousy and controle issues. It really makes life so much easier.
By the way I have a step mother and step-father myself. I think it made it easier for me to understand my role in all of this.
Answers:
My advise would be all the adults involve should sit down, together, without the child present and set some guidelines. The only ones that should be raising this child is the parents, not the steppers. The steppers should have realized that their new spouses had this child and thought ahead. The parents should have thought ahead also before marrying new spouses. Has any of the adults thought about this poor child? You have a home, they have home and this child has to bounce back and forth to please the adults. What about the child? No home life, too many chiefs. You know how when you go on vacation and can't wait to get back home into your own bed..this kid doesn't have a home with a bed. This poor little girl is being pulled in too many directions. Don't be surprised when she gets older if she stops listening and rebels against all of you. Do whats best for the child you and your ex-husband brought into the world. Put your difference aside for her sake.
Answers:
That is crazy! Unless you are a deadbeat Mom or abusing or neglecting your daughter in some way she doesn't have the right to have so much control or say so over what you do for your daughter! If everything is going to be a cat fight no matter what you do I would make sure I got my licks in too. After all if she can cpmplain about her getting a perm you can complain about her ruining it! Then again that would be stooping to her level but my point is she is being petty. Does she even have any kids of her own or experience with kids? If so is she that picky with them? My sister had problem with her ex and his new wife and she ended up getting a medicator for him to go through or call when he had issues and then the mediator would call my sister and relay the message. My other sister has a teenager who despises her step-mother and they had lots of arguements. After a while my sister would only talk to or deal with the issues with the father and the step-mother had no say. Unless of course their child did something while at her father's home that was actually her fault and was rightfully punished for it. Then and only then the step-mom would get involved. I don't know if any of this will work for you, but I think the mediator might help.
Answers:
The step mother that I have is just as bad. I realize that she is doing this just to hurt me. To undermine my authority, and make me mad. Fine she made me mad now what? Does she have that much jealousy running in her veins to hurt my child? I would have to say so. She is really unbelieable. If its not one thing its another. I can understand trying to make me mad. but where does that get her? Better thing I know I can not change her. But how do I help my child to realize what she is doing? She could care less about this child. This child is a trophy and always will be. I have to admit I am tired of it. I know only time will tell how it will end. I just hope that everything that I have done is enough love and support that she needs for the truth. The lies and the conviving little ways will not make her turn. I have faith that my daughter will see the truth. but only days that there is no hope.... What am I going to do on those days? I have tried almost everything I can. The father is not even around. Why does she still have to see her? I am tired and giving up is not in my dna. I want something done. But I can not come up with any ideas. Seven thousand dollars would not even help me right now. Just pay off my bill. Guess thats not an option. Time and patience will tell but getting to that might me hard.
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Answers:
I am a step mother and I think I learned a lot more about being a mother once I had my two children. I am one of the good step-moms. At first I don't think the Mother and I got along so well but after 10 years we are great. I remember telling my husband I didn't think the Mother did a good job with this or that and we would be better care takers, bla bla bla. Now I look back and want to slap myself for acting like that. My step-daughters Mother loves her. She is a great Mother and I was just being jelous and stupid.
It took me (the step-mother) letting go and allowing her (the ex) and my husband to raise the child without my always being a part of it. I guess you could say I put the best interest of my step-daughter first and literally. Before it was Oh I don't think her Mom did this right or that right. Now I shut up. She is a happy heathly child who is doing so well in both homes. I love her so much and want her Mother around. We talk a lot and work together on anything that needs to be. She is a great Mother and women. Even though I wouldn't do things the way she does all the time, I still have complete respect for her and that is what a lot of steps don't have. I understand that she is the Mother. And she loves my children very much.
We are like this exstended kind of family and we work together great. Kind of the Demi Moore situation. People really do have to move past their jelousy and controle issues. It really makes life so much easier.
By the way I have a step mother and step-father myself. I think it made it easier for me to understand my role in all of this.
Answers:
My advise would be all the adults involve should sit down, together, without the child present and set some guidelines. The only ones that should be raising this child is the parents, not the steppers. The steppers should have realized that their new spouses had this child and thought ahead. The parents should have thought ahead also before marrying new spouses. Has any of the adults thought about this poor child? You have a home, they have home and this child has to bounce back and forth to please the adults. What about the child? No home life, too many chiefs. You know how when you go on vacation and can't wait to get back home into your own bed..this kid doesn't have a home with a bed. This poor little girl is being pulled in too many directions. Don't be surprised when she gets older if she stops listening and rebels against all of you. Do whats best for the child you and your ex-husband brought into the world. Put your difference aside for her sake.
Answers:
That is crazy! Unless you are a deadbeat Mom or abusing or neglecting your daughter in some way she doesn't have the right to have so much control or say so over what you do for your daughter! If everything is going to be a cat fight no matter what you do I would make sure I got my licks in too. After all if she can cpmplain about her getting a perm you can complain about her ruining it! Then again that would be stooping to her level but my point is she is being petty. Does she even have any kids of her own or experience with kids? If so is she that picky with them? My sister had problem with her ex and his new wife and she ended up getting a medicator for him to go through or call when he had issues and then the mediator would call my sister and relay the message. My other sister has a teenager who despises her step-mother and they had lots of arguements. After a while my sister would only talk to or deal with the issues with the father and the step-mother had no say. Unless of course their child did something while at her father's home that was actually her fault and was rightfully punished for it. Then and only then the step-mom would get involved. I don't know if any of this will work for you, but I think the mediator might help.
Answers:
The step mother that I have is just as bad. I realize that she is doing this just to hurt me. To undermine my authority, and make me mad. Fine she made me mad now what? Does she have that much jealousy running in her veins to hurt my child? I would have to say so. She is really unbelieable. If its not one thing its another. I can understand trying to make me mad. but where does that get her? Better thing I know I can not change her. But how do I help my child to realize what she is doing? She could care less about this child. This child is a trophy and always will be. I have to admit I am tired of it. I know only time will tell how it will end. I just hope that everything that I have done is enough love and support that she needs for the truth. The lies and the conviving little ways will not make her turn. I have faith that my daughter will see the truth. but only days that there is no hope.... What am I going to do on those days? I have tried almost everything I can. The father is not even around. Why does she still have to see her? I am tired and giving up is not in my dna. I want something done. But I can not come up with any ideas. Seven thousand dollars would not even help me right now. Just pay off my bill. Guess thats not an option. Time and patience will tell but getting to that might me hard.