Keep Him or Return To Dysfunc Daughter?? - Page 4
I Have just spent ages reading the thread. You have been given lots of good intentional advice and from the looks of it, it looks like you have started taking steps to do what you think is right congratulations
But could i just say something please...... I am not doubting or questioning what you are saying, you are the one witnessing what is happening and only want what is best for your GS but ........
I think its sad that many people are giving some quite unreasonable opinions without hearing both sides of the story, without your daughter being here to defend herself. Even us as parents dont truely know what goes on behind closed doors, kids hide things and tell us what they want regardless of age.
I mean can you be sure there was no history of abuse from previous boyfriends? not the violence but also the mental abuse?? Has something happened in her life that has triggered this behaviour from her, something she hasnt told you about??? Also a third party trained and qualified should sit down with your grandson and ask HIM what does HE want, let him tell somebody from outside the family,try and let him make an informed decision with all the information provided by a trained person
What i have just put may be pointless, but i just wanted to remind people that when a person isnt around to defend their self then the doors should not be closed just yet.
Good luck and i really hope that you, your grandson and your daughter eventually become happy.
Answers:
do not call social service's you don't need there headache go to court and file the paper's to get custody of him my husband and i did this when our grandson was 6 months old my daughter was screwing up really bad moveing in with men she hardley knew we got custody right away he was with us for 2 years and you know what i don't regret doing it at all you have to think about that little boy your grandson is also at the age where they will let him speak in court and tell them where he want's to live you can not let her have him back god knows what hell he will go through both mentally a physicaly truly how do you know about this guy she is runing with if you say he is doing drugs then i gaurente you she is to spider, my GS is very verbal at eight. So is his mother. She has told me things for years that she was doing. Why? Because she thinks these activities are "kind." She for years would bring hamburgers and stuffed potatoes to a man. Now I know this guy. They BOTH told me he would give her tranquilizers. She would take so many that she'd be SLEEPING when I'd call the house. Thus, her son at 7 was baking his own pizzas, running his own bathwater, hunting for his socks in the laundry room. Six wks ago he showed up at Walmart wearing his mother's SHOES. She said, "oh, he lost his and he just put those on." I took him right inside and bought him new shoes.
She arrived at walmart with this man she is chasing around. She said "he isn't doing heroin anymore, just injecting crack. He's a really nice guy. "
I've been around him; he's very laid back and looks at himself as a kind of New Age guru. He is wanted for failure to appear in court for drug paraphernalia in his car. He is allegedly in AA now; he needs NA if you ask me.
He has rotted teeth and a lot of wrinkles at 42. I know his mom; she is divorced and rides a Harley. She took my grandson, daughter and her son to a bar/pool place. My GS likes to play pool. She brings dealers to OUR HOME. I have seen them, met them, she does it to show off. She , as a survivor, encourages men of all ages that they may have "a future" together to get things out of them then uses them. They get furious and retaliate against her.
The latest is that she is supposed to arrive back here in town today or tomorrow and claim her son and dog. My GS says he won't go but he kind of makes a joke out of it; he doesn't cry about it. She is pestering us to buy her another car after her previous car was taken back by her father after she let her BF drive it and he stole it 3 times. That is, he kept it overnight.
This is all so disturbing; I'll talk more later. thanks.
Answers:
This is just a terrible, terrible situation for a little child to be in. It truly breaks my heart to hear of this situation. What also bothers me is that you continuously have said on this thread that "he is HER son, not ours". While I understand that you're older and you weren't expecting to have another youngster to raise, your main focus should be doing what's best for this little boy. Yes, children can be extremely frustrating at times. But when this little boy gets older and looks back on his life and truly sees what you and your husband have done for him, he will always hold you close to his heart and I'm sure your positive influence on his life will forver change him.
Answers:
What also bothers me is that you continuously have said on this thread that "he is HER son, not ours". Amen
Answers:
thank you, I am so aware that someday he will come to believe that we cared, that we tried to do right by him--even built a house to "get him a good start in life" and my D went downhill anyway. Nothing we have done has made his life normal. Until now.
But, my D called this morning and said she misses her little boy and her DOG (the dog is 16 and looks sick and acts sick for the first time ever; she doesn't know this yet) and that she will be here on Saturday and wants me to pick her up at the bus station and take her to our house so she can get her son. And that May 4th is her court date for phone harrassment (called harrassment of communications). She said it's a TRIAL and I'm going! The very next day is my granddaughter's dance recital 350 miles away. Talk about a lot going on. I know she'll blame me or my husband or the stars for the way her dog looks; I gave him 4 eggs plus dog food but he wouldn't touch either. When she goes over to the house sunday and sees the condition it's in she'll be overwhelmed. Things tossed into boxes, old pots and pans in the sink, the fridge smells awful, beds stripped, pictures off the walls stacked up .
The so-called BF in question isn't coming; she says he broke up with her but who knows? He is just like our dog--he goes off for awhile, then comes back. My husband said, "when she returns to the apartment , we're not giving her 1k dollars. We cannot be doing that each time she ups and leaves.
She's way too confused and we're terrible enablers." She'll snag a bus ticket from an old love; she always , always gets money from a man. Question is: will my GS go?
But could i just say something please...... I am not doubting or questioning what you are saying, you are the one witnessing what is happening and only want what is best for your GS but ........
I think its sad that many people are giving some quite unreasonable opinions without hearing both sides of the story, without your daughter being here to defend herself. Even us as parents dont truely know what goes on behind closed doors, kids hide things and tell us what they want regardless of age.
I mean can you be sure there was no history of abuse from previous boyfriends? not the violence but also the mental abuse?? Has something happened in her life that has triggered this behaviour from her, something she hasnt told you about??? Also a third party trained and qualified should sit down with your grandson and ask HIM what does HE want, let him tell somebody from outside the family,try and let him make an informed decision with all the information provided by a trained person
What i have just put may be pointless, but i just wanted to remind people that when a person isnt around to defend their self then the doors should not be closed just yet.
Good luck and i really hope that you, your grandson and your daughter eventually become happy.
Answers:
do not call social service's you don't need there headache go to court and file the paper's to get custody of him my husband and i did this when our grandson was 6 months old my daughter was screwing up really bad moveing in with men she hardley knew we got custody right away he was with us for 2 years and you know what i don't regret doing it at all you have to think about that little boy your grandson is also at the age where they will let him speak in court and tell them where he want's to live you can not let her have him back god knows what hell he will go through both mentally a physicaly truly how do you know about this guy she is runing with if you say he is doing drugs then i gaurente you she is to spider, my GS is very verbal at eight. So is his mother. She has told me things for years that she was doing. Why? Because she thinks these activities are "kind." She for years would bring hamburgers and stuffed potatoes to a man. Now I know this guy. They BOTH told me he would give her tranquilizers. She would take so many that she'd be SLEEPING when I'd call the house. Thus, her son at 7 was baking his own pizzas, running his own bathwater, hunting for his socks in the laundry room. Six wks ago he showed up at Walmart wearing his mother's SHOES. She said, "oh, he lost his and he just put those on." I took him right inside and bought him new shoes.
She arrived at walmart with this man she is chasing around. She said "he isn't doing heroin anymore, just injecting crack. He's a really nice guy. "
I've been around him; he's very laid back and looks at himself as a kind of New Age guru. He is wanted for failure to appear in court for drug paraphernalia in his car. He is allegedly in AA now; he needs NA if you ask me.
He has rotted teeth and a lot of wrinkles at 42. I know his mom; she is divorced and rides a Harley. She took my grandson, daughter and her son to a bar/pool place. My GS likes to play pool. She brings dealers to OUR HOME. I have seen them, met them, she does it to show off. She , as a survivor, encourages men of all ages that they may have "a future" together to get things out of them then uses them. They get furious and retaliate against her.
The latest is that she is supposed to arrive back here in town today or tomorrow and claim her son and dog. My GS says he won't go but he kind of makes a joke out of it; he doesn't cry about it. She is pestering us to buy her another car after her previous car was taken back by her father after she let her BF drive it and he stole it 3 times. That is, he kept it overnight.
This is all so disturbing; I'll talk more later. thanks.
Answers:
This is just a terrible, terrible situation for a little child to be in. It truly breaks my heart to hear of this situation. What also bothers me is that you continuously have said on this thread that "he is HER son, not ours". While I understand that you're older and you weren't expecting to have another youngster to raise, your main focus should be doing what's best for this little boy. Yes, children can be extremely frustrating at times. But when this little boy gets older and looks back on his life and truly sees what you and your husband have done for him, he will always hold you close to his heart and I'm sure your positive influence on his life will forver change him.
Answers:
What also bothers me is that you continuously have said on this thread that "he is HER son, not ours". Amen
Answers:
thank you, I am so aware that someday he will come to believe that we cared, that we tried to do right by him--even built a house to "get him a good start in life" and my D went downhill anyway. Nothing we have done has made his life normal. Until now.
But, my D called this morning and said she misses her little boy and her DOG (the dog is 16 and looks sick and acts sick for the first time ever; she doesn't know this yet) and that she will be here on Saturday and wants me to pick her up at the bus station and take her to our house so she can get her son. And that May 4th is her court date for phone harrassment (called harrassment of communications). She said it's a TRIAL and I'm going! The very next day is my granddaughter's dance recital 350 miles away. Talk about a lot going on. I know she'll blame me or my husband or the stars for the way her dog looks; I gave him 4 eggs plus dog food but he wouldn't touch either. When she goes over to the house sunday and sees the condition it's in she'll be overwhelmed. Things tossed into boxes, old pots and pans in the sink, the fridge smells awful, beds stripped, pictures off the walls stacked up .
The so-called BF in question isn't coming; she says he broke up with her but who knows? He is just like our dog--he goes off for awhile, then comes back. My husband said, "when she returns to the apartment , we're not giving her 1k dollars. We cannot be doing that each time she ups and leaves.
She's way too confused and we're terrible enablers." She'll snag a bus ticket from an old love; she always , always gets money from a man. Question is: will my GS go?