My son is obsessed with something odd
I have a 12 and a half year old son who has always been a stubborn child. He is as pigheaded as they come, but usually eventually, he lets things drop. Lately, he has decided for himself that he wants to sit in the front seat of our cars when we go places. His reasons for wanting this are all the usual things he comes up with "Everyone else can do it", "I'm old enough". This obsession has been going on for 10 days.
The bottom line is that we (his parents) are not allowing this, for the simple reason of safety. Its safer for kids to sit in the back seat, and that's what we are sticking with. He has seen his pediatrician over this obsession, and she informed him that its the law that anyone sitting in the front must be 13, 100 pounds, and 5 feet tall. That did not affect his drive for this at all, not one little bit. He is not 100 pounds (only 75) yet, but even if he was, he'd still sit in the back. His doctor is not particularily alarmed about this behavior, but I don't think she really understands what my family is going through over this.
In the last 10 days, my son has had every privilege of his taken away, and there are certain things he has lost for a long time. Last week, he spent every night in his room after school with no privileges. Nothing seems to matter, all he wants to do is scream and yell about how his life is not fair, and that he wants to sit in the front seat, and he's not taking no for an answer. This is not a constant stream of endless misery. He has been going to school, and participating in after school activities. But sooner or later, every day the subject comes up, and he obsesses over it. And of course, every time we go somewhere in the car, the subject rears its ugly head. Some nights are worse than others.
I have reached the limit of my parenting skills, and am at a complete loss for what to do with him. I have punished, punished more, and then punished even more. This is clearly not working.
If there is some other cause to this, some other problem he is not telling me about, he is not talking. I have had long calm talks with him. I have had long shouting matches. Nothing gets through to him, and he just keeps repeating the same things over and over again. He gets decent grades in school, but they have been slipping. He has had bullying problems in school (he's been bullied), but that lasted a few weeks and ended last year. He isn't a real social person, but he has a small group of friends and he is very active in youth sports.
I have thought about compromising, but its so far beyond ridiculous now, I'm not sure I'd be sending the right message. For example, we drive him to school each day, and the trip is less than a mile from our house. So I was thinking about letting him sit in the front when we take him to school.
I suppose at some point, if this doesn't end, he needs to see a mental health doctor. I don't know. Honestly, I am clueless at this point. And its tearing my family apart.
Answers:
Has he obsessed about other things in the past or is this the first thing that he's done this with?
And by the way, because of the safety issue and because if you give in he'll know just how to get his way in the future, I would not personally give in.
I sure hope he gets over it soon if you stick to your guns.
Answers:
Has he obsessed about other things in the past or is this the first thing that he's done this with?
And by the way, because of the safety issue and because if you give in he'll know just how to get his way in the future, I would not personally give in.
I sure hope he gets over it soon if you stick to your guns. Well, he's a kid. In the past, when he didn't get his way, he may have thrown a fit, gotten punished for the day and that was the end of it.
He has pestered me about things for long periods of time in the past. For example, he wanted to be able to watch The Simpsons TV show. For a long time, I didn't let him. Over a long period of time, he pestered me about it here and there. When I thought he was ready to watch the show, I let him start watching it.
One other thing that he has been persistent about is a cell phone. He wants a cell phone. I've told him he is waiting until at least high school. That's the end of it. He's not happy about it. He brings it up every now and again, maybe 2 or 3 times it escalated a bit, but then it drops. I think this is normal kid stuff. Kids want things. They can't always have what they want. Life goes on.
This "sitting in the front" thing is so far beyond anything I have ever witnessed in my children or anyone elses' children. So I guess in answer to your question, "no he has never obsessed over anything like this before."
Thanks.
Answers:
He could just be moving into those fun teenage years. He's bigger now and feels like he should be treated like an adult, eventhough he isn't one! I remember going through a stage like that around 12 or 13. I would lock myself in my room... I even threw stuff around when I didn't get my way. I mainly wanted to spend the night at friends house or I wanted the latest jeans that costed $80.00. I grew up in a very posh school, yet I didn't have the money to keep up with my classmates. I was just made to fuss it out and, eventually, I realized that if I wanted those priveledges or expensive things that I would have to work for it. I grew out of it a few years later, but my parents gave in sometimes. Stick to your guns and it won't take long to see improvement, I would think.
Pre-teens and teenage just need reassurance that limits exist, even if they don't like it! If he wants a cell phone tell him when he's in high school and keeping his grades up. But when it comes to safety, stand firm. He'll thank you when he's older and has learned patience and self-control. Good luck.
Answers:
Has he had a friend or school mate injured in a car accident lately? Could he have heard something on the news about someone being killed in a car accident while riding in the back seat? Having raised two kids, and been one myself, he sounds like he's scared to ride in the back seat, not obsessed about riding in the front.
Just my thoughts as I was reading your thread, hope this helps and things calm down for you soon.
The bottom line is that we (his parents) are not allowing this, for the simple reason of safety. Its safer for kids to sit in the back seat, and that's what we are sticking with. He has seen his pediatrician over this obsession, and she informed him that its the law that anyone sitting in the front must be 13, 100 pounds, and 5 feet tall. That did not affect his drive for this at all, not one little bit. He is not 100 pounds (only 75) yet, but even if he was, he'd still sit in the back. His doctor is not particularily alarmed about this behavior, but I don't think she really understands what my family is going through over this.
In the last 10 days, my son has had every privilege of his taken away, and there are certain things he has lost for a long time. Last week, he spent every night in his room after school with no privileges. Nothing seems to matter, all he wants to do is scream and yell about how his life is not fair, and that he wants to sit in the front seat, and he's not taking no for an answer. This is not a constant stream of endless misery. He has been going to school, and participating in after school activities. But sooner or later, every day the subject comes up, and he obsesses over it. And of course, every time we go somewhere in the car, the subject rears its ugly head. Some nights are worse than others.
I have reached the limit of my parenting skills, and am at a complete loss for what to do with him. I have punished, punished more, and then punished even more. This is clearly not working.
If there is some other cause to this, some other problem he is not telling me about, he is not talking. I have had long calm talks with him. I have had long shouting matches. Nothing gets through to him, and he just keeps repeating the same things over and over again. He gets decent grades in school, but they have been slipping. He has had bullying problems in school (he's been bullied), but that lasted a few weeks and ended last year. He isn't a real social person, but he has a small group of friends and he is very active in youth sports.
I have thought about compromising, but its so far beyond ridiculous now, I'm not sure I'd be sending the right message. For example, we drive him to school each day, and the trip is less than a mile from our house. So I was thinking about letting him sit in the front when we take him to school.
I suppose at some point, if this doesn't end, he needs to see a mental health doctor. I don't know. Honestly, I am clueless at this point. And its tearing my family apart.
Answers:
Has he obsessed about other things in the past or is this the first thing that he's done this with?
And by the way, because of the safety issue and because if you give in he'll know just how to get his way in the future, I would not personally give in.
I sure hope he gets over it soon if you stick to your guns.
Answers:
Has he obsessed about other things in the past or is this the first thing that he's done this with?
And by the way, because of the safety issue and because if you give in he'll know just how to get his way in the future, I would not personally give in.
I sure hope he gets over it soon if you stick to your guns. Well, he's a kid. In the past, when he didn't get his way, he may have thrown a fit, gotten punished for the day and that was the end of it.
He has pestered me about things for long periods of time in the past. For example, he wanted to be able to watch The Simpsons TV show. For a long time, I didn't let him. Over a long period of time, he pestered me about it here and there. When I thought he was ready to watch the show, I let him start watching it.
One other thing that he has been persistent about is a cell phone. He wants a cell phone. I've told him he is waiting until at least high school. That's the end of it. He's not happy about it. He brings it up every now and again, maybe 2 or 3 times it escalated a bit, but then it drops. I think this is normal kid stuff. Kids want things. They can't always have what they want. Life goes on.
This "sitting in the front" thing is so far beyond anything I have ever witnessed in my children or anyone elses' children. So I guess in answer to your question, "no he has never obsessed over anything like this before."
Thanks.
Answers:
He could just be moving into those fun teenage years. He's bigger now and feels like he should be treated like an adult, eventhough he isn't one! I remember going through a stage like that around 12 or 13. I would lock myself in my room... I even threw stuff around when I didn't get my way. I mainly wanted to spend the night at friends house or I wanted the latest jeans that costed $80.00. I grew up in a very posh school, yet I didn't have the money to keep up with my classmates. I was just made to fuss it out and, eventually, I realized that if I wanted those priveledges or expensive things that I would have to work for it. I grew out of it a few years later, but my parents gave in sometimes. Stick to your guns and it won't take long to see improvement, I would think.
Pre-teens and teenage just need reassurance that limits exist, even if they don't like it! If he wants a cell phone tell him when he's in high school and keeping his grades up. But when it comes to safety, stand firm. He'll thank you when he's older and has learned patience and self-control. Good luck.
Answers:
Has he had a friend or school mate injured in a car accident lately? Could he have heard something on the news about someone being killed in a car accident while riding in the back seat? Having raised two kids, and been one myself, he sounds like he's scared to ride in the back seat, not obsessed about riding in the front.
Just my thoughts as I was reading your thread, hope this helps and things calm down for you soon.