Teenager trouble - Page 2
Thank you all for your advice. I have no parents, if they were alive at least mum would be able to help me through this horrible time. I dont live in the town i was born in so dont have any old school friends nearby. I have now grounded her for a month, and if she says she needs money for things i am going to go buy them myself, this way she wont have any money to buy the alcohol. I am also going to report the shop that is selling the alcohol to her, they did not make her give any I.D. I know within a week she is going to start all the screaming and shouting again and our lives will once again be hell. Its easy to say dont let her out but she just walks out saying i cant stop her and i will have to physically fight her in the street to bring her back in the door.I work 2 days a week and once i am at work i know she will just pack some stuff and disapear and not come back and we will be sitting up all night worried sick. I am trying to tell her at the moment how ill she is making me, i had terrible heart pains driving in the car to pick her up the night she got drunk, knowing she was laying on the train platform being sick, in a town i dont even know nearly gave me a heart attack. I could not get there quick enough, and then could not find the station, i just wanted to scream and cry. All she can say is that i hold her back, she is 16 now and an adult and can lead her own life. She says i am ruining her life by not letting her stay out till 11pm and letting her go to parties and drink. I have said she can drink at home (not everyday) but she says that is boring, she wants to be out on the town with her mates and drink. She has some mates that smoke drugs, and some mates who's parents let them come in at any time they want, and these girls are on 15 and 16 yrs old. I am afraid i cannot be like that, one girls parents say they let her smoke the drugs as it calms her down!!!! well im afraid that is not for me. I am against drugs. But at the end of the day my daughter thinks i am a horrible smothering mother as i wont let her do all these things.
Answers:
Your daughter is crying out for help..something is going on in her life to make her act this way
Willow, I couldn't agree more with Allie. I don't think that she necessarily needs substance abuse treatment but she needs therapy. No one who is feeling good about themselves drinks to excess or creates chaos in their family. You write that she tells you that she drinks to get confidence. Please tell her that you want to help her with whatever issues she is dealing with right now. If you continue to only want to control her it will drive her further from you and your efforts to control her aren't working anyway.
Answers:
If you tell her she cannot go out and she does it anyway call the law and have an officer go pick her up and bring her back home.She tells you youd have to physically drag her back in the door she knows you will not do this or are not capable and she is taking advantage of it but an officer CAN drag her butt into his vehicle and right back through your door.She is only 16 she is a minor and has to go by your rules so you have the right to have the law pick her butt up.That is what I would do if she did not stop walking out.I think therapy is probably your best bet and tough love.Maybe even a teen boot camp if at all possible.I think all have given good advice so far even the idea of scaring her with horror stories from people who started out like herself.
Answers:
Well so far we have had perfect behaviour. She has been very good, not tried to go out and not argued. She is telling me just how badly drunk she was and how she knows she put herself in danger. She now keeps asking us to let her out to a party next week ( ha ha) and she will add an extra day of grounding on at the end of her months grounding. NO WAY - She says she has felt ill all week, she feels dizzy and weak and fatigued. she is fine otherwise , chatty and busy and talking to her friends etc. The thing is i know once this months grounding is up she will kick off again, i dont really want to involve the Police unless i really really have to, i work for my local Police Force and this is just humiliation for me, can you imaging the gossip at work with some of the other women. ( and men ) . I have told her she can go out on a Friday but not on a Saturday as we cannot live our lives sitting waiting at home every weekend to see if we are going to get a phone call or not telling us she is drunk, injured or dead! No one should have to live their lives like this. She refuses point blank to go for therapy/help as she says there is nothing wrong, her friends do all these things, it is just me being a smothering mother, overprotective and over anxious.
Is there anyone else on these boards that have been though this, if so how did you cope with it. Here in the UK they can legally drink aged 18, how i wish the law said 21.
Answers:
Actually, calling the cops or having one of your friends go out after her sometime might be a good idea. Scare her, have her spend a night or two in jail or juvie. After all, she is drinking and only 16 and, you say the legal age is 18, so she IS breaking the law . . .
My friend's son was sneaking out of the house when he was 16 and doing things he shouldn't be doing. She knew a couple of cops and she had one of them go arrest him and keep him in juvie over night. It worked.
The reason this might work is that she would see that she really could be caught and REALLY get into REAL trouble. Until something happens, she will continue.
Listen: TEENAGERS THINK THEY ARE INVINCIBLE. There are only two things that will show them otherwise: 1. Growing up 2. Having something happen to them to prove they are not. Maybe a select few, a VERY select few, come to this realization without these things happening, but it is a rarity.
Extreme behavior needs to lead to extreme consequences. End of story.
Answers:
Your daughter is crying out for help..something is going on in her life to make her act this way
Willow, I couldn't agree more with Allie. I don't think that she necessarily needs substance abuse treatment but she needs therapy. No one who is feeling good about themselves drinks to excess or creates chaos in their family. You write that she tells you that she drinks to get confidence. Please tell her that you want to help her with whatever issues she is dealing with right now. If you continue to only want to control her it will drive her further from you and your efforts to control her aren't working anyway.
Answers:
If you tell her she cannot go out and she does it anyway call the law and have an officer go pick her up and bring her back home.She tells you youd have to physically drag her back in the door she knows you will not do this or are not capable and she is taking advantage of it but an officer CAN drag her butt into his vehicle and right back through your door.She is only 16 she is a minor and has to go by your rules so you have the right to have the law pick her butt up.That is what I would do if she did not stop walking out.I think therapy is probably your best bet and tough love.Maybe even a teen boot camp if at all possible.I think all have given good advice so far even the idea of scaring her with horror stories from people who started out like herself.
Answers:
Well so far we have had perfect behaviour. She has been very good, not tried to go out and not argued. She is telling me just how badly drunk she was and how she knows she put herself in danger. She now keeps asking us to let her out to a party next week ( ha ha) and she will add an extra day of grounding on at the end of her months grounding. NO WAY - She says she has felt ill all week, she feels dizzy and weak and fatigued. she is fine otherwise , chatty and busy and talking to her friends etc. The thing is i know once this months grounding is up she will kick off again, i dont really want to involve the Police unless i really really have to, i work for my local Police Force and this is just humiliation for me, can you imaging the gossip at work with some of the other women. ( and men ) . I have told her she can go out on a Friday but not on a Saturday as we cannot live our lives sitting waiting at home every weekend to see if we are going to get a phone call or not telling us she is drunk, injured or dead! No one should have to live their lives like this. She refuses point blank to go for therapy/help as she says there is nothing wrong, her friends do all these things, it is just me being a smothering mother, overprotective and over anxious.
Is there anyone else on these boards that have been though this, if so how did you cope with it. Here in the UK they can legally drink aged 18, how i wish the law said 21.
Answers:
Actually, calling the cops or having one of your friends go out after her sometime might be a good idea. Scare her, have her spend a night or two in jail or juvie. After all, she is drinking and only 16 and, you say the legal age is 18, so she IS breaking the law . . .
My friend's son was sneaking out of the house when he was 16 and doing things he shouldn't be doing. She knew a couple of cops and she had one of them go arrest him and keep him in juvie over night. It worked.
The reason this might work is that she would see that she really could be caught and REALLY get into REAL trouble. Until something happens, she will continue.
Listen: TEENAGERS THINK THEY ARE INVINCIBLE. There are only two things that will show them otherwise: 1. Growing up 2. Having something happen to them to prove they are not. Maybe a select few, a VERY select few, come to this realization without these things happening, but it is a rarity.
Extreme behavior needs to lead to extreme consequences. End of story.