How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??
Well,
The day that many parents most look forward to and most DREAD is officially here. My daughter just got her acceptance letter and Certificate of Admission to the college that was her first choice. I am so, so happy for her and extremely proud of her, but I am sitting here crying because this college is 5+ hours away and my heart just can't handle the thought of her being so far away.
I am so torn right now, because I know this is a wonderful thing, a happy and exciting thing, but the mommy part of me misses her already. I know this sounds corny probably, but I feel like it was just yesterday that I was holding her in my arms adoring her just after giving birth. I have gone through her entire childhood in my mind. I remember her coming home from her first day in kindergarten telling me she wanted to go to college. She has always been an exceptional student and there was never a question in our minds about her going to college. I honestly thought I'd be more prepared to handle this.
The bad thing is- my husband is working in an area today that our cell phones don't get any service, so I can't even tell him about this until later! Oh, I want to tell him so bad! He is going to be so happy for her.
Well, sorry that I'm rambling now, but I really needed to ask all of you who have sent your children to college- HOW in the world did you cope with the worry part of it? How did you get over the shock that the day is finally here that your child, whom you have spent your life preparing for the world, is actually heading out into that world? Please, any advice is welcome.
Answers:
First, congratulations to your daughter! That says a lot too about you and your DH, her wonderful parents!
I can so relate to your feelings. It seems like every parent I know says they cannot wait until their child leaves the nest. I am with you though. I do NOT want my children to move away. As a matter of fact, our oldest, our 19 year old son, told us a few months ago he was thinking of getting an apartment (right here in our town) and I cried myself to sleep that night. It hasn't happened nor has it been brought up again, but I dread the day that it comes up again. Of course I did not tell him that. He attends our local community college right now, but after next year I am probably going to have to face the fact that he is going to need to go out of town and I will be right where you are now. I know I haven't been any help here, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone, that you will be in my prayers and that I understand! When is she supposed to leave?
Nancy
Answers:
Hey Nancy-
Thank you soooo much for your reply, and it did help. And thank you for your kind words- it touched my heart! I was beginning to think nobody really thought this could possibly be a legitimate issue! I too have heard so many parents say how happy they will be to have all the baby birds out of the nest so they can start enjoying life with just them and their spouse. I've NEVER been able to say that. Like I said before, there has never been a question in our mind that she wouldn't go to college. We've known all along this day would come.
Our daughter graduates in June 07 and we have to have her to college the beginning of August. Sometime around the 8th-11th if I remember correctly. This means we don't even have 8 full months with her! Some people would say, "Oh that's plenty of time", but in my eyes and in my heart, I feel it's not enough time! I have always been an involved mom, and don't feel like I've ever neglected the opportunity to spend time with her, but now, I feel as though I need to spend every spare minute we can together as a family! I'm not going to make her spend every spare moment with us of course, but the mommy in me wants to!
I'm also concerned about hour our 12 year old son will handle this. He has never even liked it when she would go to spend a weekend with a friend, or when she and I would leave town for a few days for school functions! He has many times said that things aren't the same when she's not home. I guess he and I will just have to lean on each other! My husband on the other hand has this wonderful way of "evening" things out for me. He is my rock. He isn't ready for her to leave yet either, but he just has this way of understanding how I feel, and is able to make things better.
I know this is all just life, and at some point in time most kids leave home to face the world, but really, I'd much rather my daughter be going to a collge that is maybe a bit closer to home. I did try and steer her towards one that is only a couple hours away, but the one she's going to (5 hours away) has the study abroad program which she is going to apply for. She has her heart set on getting to the Imperial School of Science in London. Chemistry is her thing, and she excels in it, so I'm sure she'll have a great chance to get in. She will be majoring in Chemistry and will more than like minor in the arts. Art is her passion and she really is gifted, but she wants to be prepared for her future finances and has chosen not to major in Art. She's a good girl and deserves so many good things.
Nancy- when the time comes and your son has to leave, I'm here for you! Best wishes, and thank you again for your support!
Answers:
You are so right. Eight months is not really a long time and I am sure you do feel pressured to spend all the time with her that you can. My heart truly goes out to you. I feel your pain and I also understand your concern for your 12 year old son. We have always been a close family too and have done a lot of things together. I know too that when our 19 year old leaves our two younger ones will have a hard time. He and his 16 year old brother (and even though his leaving for college if he chooses not to do the CC thing is about a year and a half away I am already dreading that) do a lot together when the older one is at home and are fairly close. Our seven year old daughter already tells us when he has been working a lot of evenings, that she hasn't seen her biggest brother very much, and she misses him even then. Like in your situation, my DH seems to be the level headed one, understanding how I feel while doing his best to convince me that our son is doing what he needs to do to be successful in life. We certainly are blessed in that respect. I know other parents have gotten through this and I know you and I can and will too, but it sure seems impossible right now! We want the best for our children and we want them to be successful, but it sure is hard sometimes to just let them go and do what they need to do. I am convinced that this is the most challenging aspect of parenting, letting go!
Your daughter sounds like she is very bright and very talented. I am sure you are proud of her and you have a right to be!
What state are you in if you want to share that?
Nancy
Answers:
Good Morning Nancy-
You know, I agree that letting go is challenging! It has to be done, and like you said, we can and will be able to get through it. We have choice but to get through it. I know it wouldn't be fair to keep her home and not allow her to go to college just because I worry. She has worked hard for this and deserves this opportunity.
Just like your oldest son, he has worked hard to make a place for himself in this world and he deserves the opportunity to go out into that world and live his life. I don't think it matters if they are 10 hours away, or 10 minutes away, we are burdened with the worry. Believe me, sometimes I wish I could just flip the worry switch off because it would certainly make it much easier. Many times I've thought that it would be nice to be one of those parents who is able to let go so easily. I mean, I know they worry too, I know they love their kids, but they seem to be able to keep it in check somehow and I just don't know how to get to that point. Like the way our husbands are able to keep it in check, and therefore make things better for us.
We are on the east coast of North Carolina, in Kitty Hawk, and she will be going to college in Greensboro which is just over 5 hours west of us. Our son, even though he is only 12 talks about going to college, but he is more of a home body and talks more about going to our local community college. I told him if this is what he chooses, then I am 100% fine with it. I never went to college, and am glad my kids will be able to. There will be lots of sacrifice, but it'll be worth it I know.
I'm just glad I only have to go through this with two children...haha. It sounds like you have 3 children to get through this with. Oh Nancy, isn't it funny how, no matter how old they are we still call them our children, or our babies? I know my daughter has a bright future ahead of her, I know my son does, and all of your children do too. I am trying really hard to focus on that part of it because it's a positive thing.
Maybe I need to take a phsycology class at our local CC to try and learn how to cope with letting go? Who knows, it might do me some good! Haha
The day that many parents most look forward to and most DREAD is officially here. My daughter just got her acceptance letter and Certificate of Admission to the college that was her first choice. I am so, so happy for her and extremely proud of her, but I am sitting here crying because this college is 5+ hours away and my heart just can't handle the thought of her being so far away.
I am so torn right now, because I know this is a wonderful thing, a happy and exciting thing, but the mommy part of me misses her already. I know this sounds corny probably, but I feel like it was just yesterday that I was holding her in my arms adoring her just after giving birth. I have gone through her entire childhood in my mind. I remember her coming home from her first day in kindergarten telling me she wanted to go to college. She has always been an exceptional student and there was never a question in our minds about her going to college. I honestly thought I'd be more prepared to handle this.
The bad thing is- my husband is working in an area today that our cell phones don't get any service, so I can't even tell him about this until later! Oh, I want to tell him so bad! He is going to be so happy for her.
Well, sorry that I'm rambling now, but I really needed to ask all of you who have sent your children to college- HOW in the world did you cope with the worry part of it? How did you get over the shock that the day is finally here that your child, whom you have spent your life preparing for the world, is actually heading out into that world? Please, any advice is welcome.
Answers:
First, congratulations to your daughter! That says a lot too about you and your DH, her wonderful parents!
I can so relate to your feelings. It seems like every parent I know says they cannot wait until their child leaves the nest. I am with you though. I do NOT want my children to move away. As a matter of fact, our oldest, our 19 year old son, told us a few months ago he was thinking of getting an apartment (right here in our town) and I cried myself to sleep that night. It hasn't happened nor has it been brought up again, but I dread the day that it comes up again. Of course I did not tell him that. He attends our local community college right now, but after next year I am probably going to have to face the fact that he is going to need to go out of town and I will be right where you are now. I know I haven't been any help here, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone, that you will be in my prayers and that I understand! When is she supposed to leave?
Nancy
Answers:
Hey Nancy-
Thank you soooo much for your reply, and it did help. And thank you for your kind words- it touched my heart! I was beginning to think nobody really thought this could possibly be a legitimate issue! I too have heard so many parents say how happy they will be to have all the baby birds out of the nest so they can start enjoying life with just them and their spouse. I've NEVER been able to say that. Like I said before, there has never been a question in our mind that she wouldn't go to college. We've known all along this day would come.
Our daughter graduates in June 07 and we have to have her to college the beginning of August. Sometime around the 8th-11th if I remember correctly. This means we don't even have 8 full months with her! Some people would say, "Oh that's plenty of time", but in my eyes and in my heart, I feel it's not enough time! I have always been an involved mom, and don't feel like I've ever neglected the opportunity to spend time with her, but now, I feel as though I need to spend every spare minute we can together as a family! I'm not going to make her spend every spare moment with us of course, but the mommy in me wants to!
I'm also concerned about hour our 12 year old son will handle this. He has never even liked it when she would go to spend a weekend with a friend, or when she and I would leave town for a few days for school functions! He has many times said that things aren't the same when she's not home. I guess he and I will just have to lean on each other! My husband on the other hand has this wonderful way of "evening" things out for me. He is my rock. He isn't ready for her to leave yet either, but he just has this way of understanding how I feel, and is able to make things better.
I know this is all just life, and at some point in time most kids leave home to face the world, but really, I'd much rather my daughter be going to a collge that is maybe a bit closer to home. I did try and steer her towards one that is only a couple hours away, but the one she's going to (5 hours away) has the study abroad program which she is going to apply for. She has her heart set on getting to the Imperial School of Science in London. Chemistry is her thing, and she excels in it, so I'm sure she'll have a great chance to get in. She will be majoring in Chemistry and will more than like minor in the arts. Art is her passion and she really is gifted, but she wants to be prepared for her future finances and has chosen not to major in Art. She's a good girl and deserves so many good things.
Nancy- when the time comes and your son has to leave, I'm here for you! Best wishes, and thank you again for your support!
Answers:
You are so right. Eight months is not really a long time and I am sure you do feel pressured to spend all the time with her that you can. My heart truly goes out to you. I feel your pain and I also understand your concern for your 12 year old son. We have always been a close family too and have done a lot of things together. I know too that when our 19 year old leaves our two younger ones will have a hard time. He and his 16 year old brother (and even though his leaving for college if he chooses not to do the CC thing is about a year and a half away I am already dreading that) do a lot together when the older one is at home and are fairly close. Our seven year old daughter already tells us when he has been working a lot of evenings, that she hasn't seen her biggest brother very much, and she misses him even then. Like in your situation, my DH seems to be the level headed one, understanding how I feel while doing his best to convince me that our son is doing what he needs to do to be successful in life. We certainly are blessed in that respect. I know other parents have gotten through this and I know you and I can and will too, but it sure seems impossible right now! We want the best for our children and we want them to be successful, but it sure is hard sometimes to just let them go and do what they need to do. I am convinced that this is the most challenging aspect of parenting, letting go!
Your daughter sounds like she is very bright and very talented. I am sure you are proud of her and you have a right to be!
What state are you in if you want to share that?
Nancy
Answers:
Good Morning Nancy-
You know, I agree that letting go is challenging! It has to be done, and like you said, we can and will be able to get through it. We have choice but to get through it. I know it wouldn't be fair to keep her home and not allow her to go to college just because I worry. She has worked hard for this and deserves this opportunity.
Just like your oldest son, he has worked hard to make a place for himself in this world and he deserves the opportunity to go out into that world and live his life. I don't think it matters if they are 10 hours away, or 10 minutes away, we are burdened with the worry. Believe me, sometimes I wish I could just flip the worry switch off because it would certainly make it much easier. Many times I've thought that it would be nice to be one of those parents who is able to let go so easily. I mean, I know they worry too, I know they love their kids, but they seem to be able to keep it in check somehow and I just don't know how to get to that point. Like the way our husbands are able to keep it in check, and therefore make things better for us.
We are on the east coast of North Carolina, in Kitty Hawk, and she will be going to college in Greensboro which is just over 5 hours west of us. Our son, even though he is only 12 talks about going to college, but he is more of a home body and talks more about going to our local community college. I told him if this is what he chooses, then I am 100% fine with it. I never went to college, and am glad my kids will be able to. There will be lots of sacrifice, but it'll be worth it I know.
I'm just glad I only have to go through this with two children...haha. It sounds like you have 3 children to get through this with. Oh Nancy, isn't it funny how, no matter how old they are we still call them our children, or our babies? I know my daughter has a bright future ahead of her, I know my son does, and all of your children do too. I am trying really hard to focus on that part of it because it's a positive thing.
Maybe I need to take a phsycology class at our local CC to try and learn how to cope with letting go? Who knows, it might do me some good! Haha