Those Darn Teenagers
So this is concerning co-ed sleepovers. Our family has recently moved from the east to the midwest and it's been hardest on my daughter, Jessie, who's 15. She had to leave a lot of friends, but met two here in the midwest. Thing is, they're both guys.
They go to a small school where I teach, so I know these boys personally. Actually, one of her friends' family has been friends with our own from way back when we both lived in the east. Family friends. My husband and I have known Greg since he was tiny. My daughter is the same age as him and they used to play with each other when they were younger. When they met up here, they just seemed to pick up where they left off. They're more like siblings than anything.
The other guy is Greg's friend, Casey. He's a year older than the two of them and is amazingly smart... he's quite the clever kid. He's comfortable talking with me and speaks as if he were an adult himself. Greg, on the other hand, is the wild one of the three and always goofs off. He'd be the one that you'd see riding the babies' merry-go-round at the mall-- just for kicks. They have good hearts, I know.
Jessie talks to these guys for hours on the messenger program and they go out almost every weekend and totally goof off. Greg and Casey's parents both know Jessie well and they're the closest friends I've seen... ever. You can hardly separate them. Eventually, Jessie started going over Greg's house with Casey for the night on some weekends. The third or fourth time she went over, my husband and I started to do what any parent would do... worry.
Now, the two of us are very close and she's such a smart girl-- mature for her age and everything. She's always been like that. Of course I trust her, and I know those boys so well. It's my husband that gets extremely upset when she goes over there. The boys' parents don't mind it at all; she's "one of the guys". My husband and I talked to her about it last week and told her that we didn't want her spending the night there anymore. She didn't take it so well, probably because they're her best friends here and she doesn't feel a connection with the other kids around here. She misses her friends back home and she said that us denying her permission to stay the night there is really upsetting. And I understand that, it's just... I don't know. Not appropriate?
You always hear those stories about crazy hormone-driven teenagers doing all kinds of things at night and ruining their lives forever. In my heart, I know they wouldn't do that. But it's just... growing up, our times were different.
Am I just old fashioned? Should I let her go?
Answers:
The world is too scary, in my opinion.... I think I'm in that "old fashioned" boat though, as someone here once responded to my post that what I said was the "stupidest thing they'd ever heard", (putting a 14 yr old who'd been sneaking into the alcohol cabinet into drug/alcohol counseling... hmph)
I have to say, I'm with your husband on this one. The smartest, most intelligent, coolest kids are still adolescents, and can have a total brain fart and do the most off the wall thing you'd ever imagine, and then tell you they have NO IDEA why they did it!! Of course they're fine to hang out, and go out as a group...but I don't think overnight is appropriate at her age.
Answers:
You don't think that, if they tried something, it'd be awkward because I see them every day? Jessie's known Greg for eight years.
It's nice to have another parent backing me on this.
Answers:
It could be very awkward....but I think whats most important is to avoid any of them having to deal with the reprocussions of trying..or even THINKING about trying, ya know?
Sometimes, as smart as they are... they don't know what's best for them.
Answers:
I would be very concerned. Girls at this age should not be having sleep overs at boys houses. Your putting her in a situation that shes not old enough to be able to handle. No matter how mature her and the boys are.Your asking for trouble. Sorry but thats my opinion.
They go to a small school where I teach, so I know these boys personally. Actually, one of her friends' family has been friends with our own from way back when we both lived in the east. Family friends. My husband and I have known Greg since he was tiny. My daughter is the same age as him and they used to play with each other when they were younger. When they met up here, they just seemed to pick up where they left off. They're more like siblings than anything.
The other guy is Greg's friend, Casey. He's a year older than the two of them and is amazingly smart... he's quite the clever kid. He's comfortable talking with me and speaks as if he were an adult himself. Greg, on the other hand, is the wild one of the three and always goofs off. He'd be the one that you'd see riding the babies' merry-go-round at the mall-- just for kicks. They have good hearts, I know.
Jessie talks to these guys for hours on the messenger program and they go out almost every weekend and totally goof off. Greg and Casey's parents both know Jessie well and they're the closest friends I've seen... ever. You can hardly separate them. Eventually, Jessie started going over Greg's house with Casey for the night on some weekends. The third or fourth time she went over, my husband and I started to do what any parent would do... worry.
Now, the two of us are very close and she's such a smart girl-- mature for her age and everything. She's always been like that. Of course I trust her, and I know those boys so well. It's my husband that gets extremely upset when she goes over there. The boys' parents don't mind it at all; she's "one of the guys". My husband and I talked to her about it last week and told her that we didn't want her spending the night there anymore. She didn't take it so well, probably because they're her best friends here and she doesn't feel a connection with the other kids around here. She misses her friends back home and she said that us denying her permission to stay the night there is really upsetting. And I understand that, it's just... I don't know. Not appropriate?
You always hear those stories about crazy hormone-driven teenagers doing all kinds of things at night and ruining their lives forever. In my heart, I know they wouldn't do that. But it's just... growing up, our times were different.
Am I just old fashioned? Should I let her go?
Answers:
The world is too scary, in my opinion.... I think I'm in that "old fashioned" boat though, as someone here once responded to my post that what I said was the "stupidest thing they'd ever heard", (putting a 14 yr old who'd been sneaking into the alcohol cabinet into drug/alcohol counseling... hmph)
I have to say, I'm with your husband on this one. The smartest, most intelligent, coolest kids are still adolescents, and can have a total brain fart and do the most off the wall thing you'd ever imagine, and then tell you they have NO IDEA why they did it!! Of course they're fine to hang out, and go out as a group...but I don't think overnight is appropriate at her age.
Answers:
You don't think that, if they tried something, it'd be awkward because I see them every day? Jessie's known Greg for eight years.
It's nice to have another parent backing me on this.
Answers:
It could be very awkward....but I think whats most important is to avoid any of them having to deal with the reprocussions of trying..or even THINKING about trying, ya know?
Sometimes, as smart as they are... they don't know what's best for them.
Answers:
I would be very concerned. Girls at this age should not be having sleep overs at boys houses. Your putting her in a situation that shes not old enough to be able to handle. No matter how mature her and the boys are.Your asking for trouble. Sorry but thats my opinion.