daughter molested at 6 need to vent
Hi all,
I am going to be going to court in October because my 16 yr old was molested from the age of 6-12 which I found last yr. since then my life has been a mess. Today I met with the DA,s office and its basically our word against his. What this man has done to my little girl litteraly makes me sick to my stomach. On top of everything I now have a drug problem I'm trying to cope with. I've been out of control with pain medication. My daughter never told me. I was reading a journal of hers and came across some information that way, then when I confronted her she threw up.. I knew something was incredibly wrong. Of course I went through these sick emotions like when someone dies that sick feeling you get , something like that. Today I felt like that again because the DA,s office told us we had a 50/50 chance , that our case basically is in the hand of jurors that will decide what the outcome will be. To top it off She'll be a jr this year and I'm a litle scared thats going to interfere with her school and her psat's . The things that this man made my daughter do for year after year just continues to play over and over in my head. I pray to God that justice will prevail. I know I have my own problems I have to cope with now but if any parents have any similar stories and care to share. Or any encouraging words they will be appreciated....Thanx 4 your time.
Answers:
I am very sorry to hear about that I myself was abused as a child age 2-5 and I remember it like it was yesterday. I myself do not have any problems resulting from it. I am a normal person Married with children boy and a girl. My only fear I have dwelled on is if something ever happens to my children and that fear came true with my daughter. She is just now six and I found out that she was being touched and fondled by her 4 yr old 1/2 brother at her dads house durring visitation. It is a hard thing to go through personally but I feel even worse so as a parent ! I will hope for nothing but the best for you and your daughter.
Answers:
I feel your pain. First of all, try to take care of yourself and try to to take care of your daughter. Your emotional well being might be what pulls her through. I think it will be difficult to say what will or will not affect her, everyone is different. But no matter if he gets it or not, your daughter is what counts the most, will she be able to get over it and maintain relationships, trust, etc.
As a parent, it is devastating. It might take a long time to get over before you can get those images and thoughts out of your head. I think the further away from the event and the legal issues you go, the less important it becomes in terms of your mind needing to replay it.
I think the more sound you are, the likelier it will be that she comes out of this okay. Take her to some gentle therapists, who can work with the overall personal trust issues, and the overall betrayl that she must be experiencing. I was very careful who I subjected my daughter to because some therapists are so overzealous in their approach that I felt they harmed more than helped.
By the way, the case of children playing with children is supposed to be quite different. It's not all that uncommon really. And besides, they are kids experimenting innocently (most of the time) and not adults who are perpetrating upon others. The only time that they consider something a molestation is when the age difference is substantial (like over age 10 and 5 years difference). I'm not an expert on it, but there is much differnece between sibling play and adult interaction with a child.
Hope this helps.
Answers:
I'm sorry I know i sort of rambled when I posted , my daughter was molested by my step father. She was only 6 and it stopped when she was about 12. He is a sick man that needs to go to jail. That is why I am so upset.What he has done to her is sometimes is unbearable to me. Just today I found out she thinks my mother might have known something. She has been telling us all along she honestly doubted it but for some reason she and I were speaking tonight and she told me some things that were a little awkward. i feel so incredibly hurt inside I can't stop crying. I'm trying my best to be strong for her but the things she shared with me tonight are new issues that we will have to deal with now. This was a grown man that used my daughter to do what he wanted for several years , the only place i thought she was safe. Thats why Its been so hard for us. He has taken something that can never be replaced. She is an incredibly good ,beautiful and talented individual and no child should ever have to suffer the way she did. I'm sorry , Im sorry this shouldn't happen to anyone , kids are innocent its not fair , I just hope justice will prevail and she will be strong enough to do well in school and in court with Gods help... Thanks You for responding I need this BIG TIME p.s. my daughter has a therapist she likes very much , she's been helping her out alot. I'm just incredibly sentimental because we just spoke tonight aboutt his new issue..
Answers:
Hello nwhat, I just joined this site and noticed your message while looking for info on lymphnodes. I am very sorry to hear of your little girls ordeal. I can empathize with her, as myself I was molested by my step father, uncle and 2 brothers from the age of 4 till I turned 12. I lived on the streets after running away between the ages of 9 and 12, with the last time being for about 8 months or so, before going to live at an Evangeline Home for girls when I was around 13. I sought treatment when I turned 19, for an alcohol and drug addiction issues directly related to my past abuse. During my treatment the doctors uncovered a condition called D.I.D (Disociative Identity Disorder - formerly known as Multipal Personality Disorder). I am still currently in treatment, and although after many years of therapy my "alter selves" have been integrated. I still suffer from night terrors and flashbacks. From what I can understand, I have been in at least 3 lenghtly relationships with all ending in abuse on myself. I cannot stress the importance of early treatment for victims, as with myself I waited far to long, with the damage being much more difficult to overcome. I'm not an expert with degrees, but I can tell you that what your daughter will need from you most, is your love, support and exceptance. Her recovery and longevity as a functional person depends on it. Your daughter has one advantage that most do not, and that is a loving mom who believes in her, for which I did not, but was rather made to believe that I was the provoker to my own abuse. You see I am also a mother of a little girl as well, she just turned 6 on August 16/05, and is presently in the care of her father, due to him not returning her after his scheduled visit, and is now using my therapy as a reason to keep her. I've been fighting a court battle to get her back home, as I'm very uneasy about the fact of her being in the company of any males for fear of the same happening to her, and moreso with her father because he was molested and abused at a young age as well with no treatment ever sought on his part- this is very unsettling to me, and he also has alcohol issues on top of this. I have the "Office Of The Children's Lawyer" involed in my daughters case, and hope that they will investigate these issues with her father a little more. I just wanted to mention as well, that my step father was arrested when I turned 19, and was convicted after my having to testify against him in an open court, with the end result being: that of him receiving 2 months in jail and 1 year probation and 1 year prohibited from being in the presence of anyone under the age of 16 years old. Although my attempts at prosecqution have appeared to be futile, and least he was repremanded in some small way. I don't feel that justice was served, but he could never give back the years of joy that "I should" have been alotted for being a child. I had to fly from London Ontario to Saint John N.B. to give my testimony, it is truly a disgrace the way the judicial system works. Although I will probably never be married with a happiness that most are capable of having, I do thank god for my 2 children, I love them both dearly and would protect them with my life. My son is 18 and my girl is 6, they will forever be miracles, in my what would seem to be life long recovery. Mother's and father's - PROTECT your children, a simple plea from a survivor. I participate in the safety of our children, and hope to see the laws changed to provide stiffer examples of perpetrators and manditory treatment of offenders. They should be forced to understand what their actions done, to any child ultimately leads to - broken trust, broken lives. Thanks for listening nwhat, I know that I can't take away your daughter's pain or yours for that matter, but I hope through my experience that maybe I've been able to help you- in helping with your daughter. I will keep you both in my prayers, take care, best of luck and God Bless......Diana
I am going to be going to court in October because my 16 yr old was molested from the age of 6-12 which I found last yr. since then my life has been a mess. Today I met with the DA,s office and its basically our word against his. What this man has done to my little girl litteraly makes me sick to my stomach. On top of everything I now have a drug problem I'm trying to cope with. I've been out of control with pain medication. My daughter never told me. I was reading a journal of hers and came across some information that way, then when I confronted her she threw up.. I knew something was incredibly wrong. Of course I went through these sick emotions like when someone dies that sick feeling you get , something like that. Today I felt like that again because the DA,s office told us we had a 50/50 chance , that our case basically is in the hand of jurors that will decide what the outcome will be. To top it off She'll be a jr this year and I'm a litle scared thats going to interfere with her school and her psat's . The things that this man made my daughter do for year after year just continues to play over and over in my head. I pray to God that justice will prevail. I know I have my own problems I have to cope with now but if any parents have any similar stories and care to share. Or any encouraging words they will be appreciated....Thanx 4 your time.
Answers:
I am very sorry to hear about that I myself was abused as a child age 2-5 and I remember it like it was yesterday. I myself do not have any problems resulting from it. I am a normal person Married with children boy and a girl. My only fear I have dwelled on is if something ever happens to my children and that fear came true with my daughter. She is just now six and I found out that she was being touched and fondled by her 4 yr old 1/2 brother at her dads house durring visitation. It is a hard thing to go through personally but I feel even worse so as a parent ! I will hope for nothing but the best for you and your daughter.
Answers:
I feel your pain. First of all, try to take care of yourself and try to to take care of your daughter. Your emotional well being might be what pulls her through. I think it will be difficult to say what will or will not affect her, everyone is different. But no matter if he gets it or not, your daughter is what counts the most, will she be able to get over it and maintain relationships, trust, etc.
As a parent, it is devastating. It might take a long time to get over before you can get those images and thoughts out of your head. I think the further away from the event and the legal issues you go, the less important it becomes in terms of your mind needing to replay it.
I think the more sound you are, the likelier it will be that she comes out of this okay. Take her to some gentle therapists, who can work with the overall personal trust issues, and the overall betrayl that she must be experiencing. I was very careful who I subjected my daughter to because some therapists are so overzealous in their approach that I felt they harmed more than helped.
By the way, the case of children playing with children is supposed to be quite different. It's not all that uncommon really. And besides, they are kids experimenting innocently (most of the time) and not adults who are perpetrating upon others. The only time that they consider something a molestation is when the age difference is substantial (like over age 10 and 5 years difference). I'm not an expert on it, but there is much differnece between sibling play and adult interaction with a child.
Hope this helps.
Answers:
I'm sorry I know i sort of rambled when I posted , my daughter was molested by my step father. She was only 6 and it stopped when she was about 12. He is a sick man that needs to go to jail. That is why I am so upset.What he has done to her is sometimes is unbearable to me. Just today I found out she thinks my mother might have known something. She has been telling us all along she honestly doubted it but for some reason she and I were speaking tonight and she told me some things that were a little awkward. i feel so incredibly hurt inside I can't stop crying. I'm trying my best to be strong for her but the things she shared with me tonight are new issues that we will have to deal with now. This was a grown man that used my daughter to do what he wanted for several years , the only place i thought she was safe. Thats why Its been so hard for us. He has taken something that can never be replaced. She is an incredibly good ,beautiful and talented individual and no child should ever have to suffer the way she did. I'm sorry , Im sorry this shouldn't happen to anyone , kids are innocent its not fair , I just hope justice will prevail and she will be strong enough to do well in school and in court with Gods help... Thanks You for responding I need this BIG TIME p.s. my daughter has a therapist she likes very much , she's been helping her out alot. I'm just incredibly sentimental because we just spoke tonight aboutt his new issue..
Answers:
Hello nwhat, I just joined this site and noticed your message while looking for info on lymphnodes. I am very sorry to hear of your little girls ordeal. I can empathize with her, as myself I was molested by my step father, uncle and 2 brothers from the age of 4 till I turned 12. I lived on the streets after running away between the ages of 9 and 12, with the last time being for about 8 months or so, before going to live at an Evangeline Home for girls when I was around 13. I sought treatment when I turned 19, for an alcohol and drug addiction issues directly related to my past abuse. During my treatment the doctors uncovered a condition called D.I.D (Disociative Identity Disorder - formerly known as Multipal Personality Disorder). I am still currently in treatment, and although after many years of therapy my "alter selves" have been integrated. I still suffer from night terrors and flashbacks. From what I can understand, I have been in at least 3 lenghtly relationships with all ending in abuse on myself. I cannot stress the importance of early treatment for victims, as with myself I waited far to long, with the damage being much more difficult to overcome. I'm not an expert with degrees, but I can tell you that what your daughter will need from you most, is your love, support and exceptance. Her recovery and longevity as a functional person depends on it. Your daughter has one advantage that most do not, and that is a loving mom who believes in her, for which I did not, but was rather made to believe that I was the provoker to my own abuse. You see I am also a mother of a little girl as well, she just turned 6 on August 16/05, and is presently in the care of her father, due to him not returning her after his scheduled visit, and is now using my therapy as a reason to keep her. I've been fighting a court battle to get her back home, as I'm very uneasy about the fact of her being in the company of any males for fear of the same happening to her, and moreso with her father because he was molested and abused at a young age as well with no treatment ever sought on his part- this is very unsettling to me, and he also has alcohol issues on top of this. I have the "Office Of The Children's Lawyer" involed in my daughters case, and hope that they will investigate these issues with her father a little more. I just wanted to mention as well, that my step father was arrested when I turned 19, and was convicted after my having to testify against him in an open court, with the end result being: that of him receiving 2 months in jail and 1 year probation and 1 year prohibited from being in the presence of anyone under the age of 16 years old. Although my attempts at prosecqution have appeared to be futile, and least he was repremanded in some small way. I don't feel that justice was served, but he could never give back the years of joy that "I should" have been alotted for being a child. I had to fly from London Ontario to Saint John N.B. to give my testimony, it is truly a disgrace the way the judicial system works. Although I will probably never be married with a happiness that most are capable of having, I do thank god for my 2 children, I love them both dearly and would protect them with my life. My son is 18 and my girl is 6, they will forever be miracles, in my what would seem to be life long recovery. Mother's and father's - PROTECT your children, a simple plea from a survivor. I participate in the safety of our children, and hope to see the laws changed to provide stiffer examples of perpetrators and manditory treatment of offenders. They should be forced to understand what their actions done, to any child ultimately leads to - broken trust, broken lives. Thanks for listening nwhat, I know that I can't take away your daughter's pain or yours for that matter, but I hope through my experience that maybe I've been able to help you- in helping with your daughter. I will keep you both in my prayers, take care, best of luck and God Bless......Diana