adoption for my 6 month old? - Page 2
To start with 22 is not too young to have a baby. In my former country it would be just right age. If you didn't go to college by now I doubht you would ever do it with child or without.
I have a baby much older in life and it has it's own disadvantages. I wish it happened in my 20th after college of course.
Now you have an energy and patience and can wait when first one will be old enough to have another one (if you want to).
You can have a child and still try to improve your career, there are online classes and I understand your mother and bf are willing to help. May be you just need some have use to cituation.
At the end is your deceision. I can say from experience I can't imagine what my mother would of done without both of us when she got very ill and start getting from hospital to rehab and so on. Without us taking care of her papers, make sure personnal treats her right, bringing her stuff she needs and so on. I don't even imagine how much more miserable she would be.
Answers:
I agree that you should talk with your doctor asap. It could indeed be PPD. If your doctor doesn't think that is the problem or that treatment for that will help much, I think it would be best for both of you if you did place your baby for adoption. The sooner you do it, the better. I don't mean to sound harsh, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be on your baby. There is nothing wrong with your feelings. You cannot help your feelings, but keeping your baby when you feel resentful of being a mother is definately not in his best interest. I also would strongly recommend that you get counseling to help you make and deal with this decision. Once you place your baby for adoption it is forever. You cannot go back and undo it.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Nancy
Answers:
Steph...
I had my daughter when I was 17, I was NOT ready, BUT...on the flip side of that, she was my responsibility and I knew that i could just do my best...the situation with her dad wasn't good...and I ended up on my own at 18, with her and my mother moved to Florida that year as well.
In light of all that, and the fact that it WAS hard, I won't butter that up...she's going to be 16 in 6 weeks and I WOULD NEVER HAVE TRADED anything I did or chose to do for the world! She is my life...I'm married, have a great husband now, and a son who is now 7.
I did not have my 20's...I didn't even have my teens.....but, I'm a better person I think now, than I may have been had I had those years...I had to grow up quicker, yes...I missed out on some stuff, yes....but nothing is out of reach if you put your mind, heart and soul into it.
I never finished college (I took some classes when she was a baby and during employment with a great company and yes...I started there at Min Wage too). I am now self employed, making good money and am home with my children as well.
It's NOT easy....but you can do it....I bought my first house when I was 22 and she was 4, with a lot of sweat behind it....but we ( my husband and I-he is not her father) did it...with a lot of sacrafice...and one other thing...I found who my TRUE friends were during this time.
I'm not against abortion, or adoption, for the right reasons....wanting your "20's" is not a good reason. Your baby, is your responsibility. You need to make the decisions you feel are right for you, but you knew, when you had a sexual relationship, what the consequences were...and are....and here you are.
There are many of us out there, who can "wish" we did that or didn't do that....but honestly, you DO still have a life....I'm only 33, we both work, have 2 kids, a house, our kids have what they want, we take vacations, we even went away to Key West ALONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, this past spring. You need goals, and a plan, and you can do it. It's not easy...life isn't easy....
On an end note...I know a woman, who at 23 had a child and gave it up, she HATES herself now, knowing that life wasn't some "fairy tale" without a child she thought it would be.....she'll never know, what life would have been to have a child.
I look forward every morning to waking my kids up, and giving them kisses as they walk out the door....my life, my wants, come in second to them....BUT I do still have a life, I DO still have my friends, I DO still live. We take our kids everywhere with us....it's great, it's wonderful watching them grow.
It is not easy....but it can be done....you unfortunately now, need to put your child first...and you second.....that is what parenting is about.
You are in a position I wasn't in....the father seems to be very supportive and wanting of this child.
If you are going to consider adopting, the father should have the right first, to have his child with him. I also know several single fathers, or fathers who wanted custody after divorce, and they are doing VERY Well.
I didn't want to sound harsh before...but you can do it, talk to someone, see your doc...depressoin is a HUGE possibility (my best friend went through it after having her first child at 32....one she wanted, then felt she made a hUGE mistake...now she's loving it)...
Good luck to you...keep us posted, just be sure to give that little one love, the baby is innocent in all of this, and needs love, and tender loving care.
Answers:
i am so sorry that you feel this way. it must be so hard and horrible. go to the doctor and seek out support groups for young parents, take some time for yourself, take the baby to grammas or have dad stay home with him for a few hours and go for a walk, or go exercise and get some fresh air, that will help. good luck hon.
Answers:
You could be experiencing post partum depression. You should talk to your doctor about these feelings.
Also, you might qualify for free childcare through your state (or at least get some help by paying discounted childcare). It's worth looking into.
I understand how overwelmed you must feel. Babies do take a lot of work, but they will also bring you a lot of joy.
Does your boyfriend help out with the baby? If this baby is really the best thing that's ever happened to him, then he needs to make sure that he is pulling his load around the house & helping with the baby. He should give time just for yourself (which is really important for all 3 of you) Think of yourself as a bank... if you keeping giving & giving, then you will have nothing left to give. But if you take the time to rest & relax, you will be able to give more to your family.
I have a baby much older in life and it has it's own disadvantages. I wish it happened in my 20th after college of course.
Now you have an energy and patience and can wait when first one will be old enough to have another one (if you want to).
You can have a child and still try to improve your career, there are online classes and I understand your mother and bf are willing to help. May be you just need some have use to cituation.
At the end is your deceision. I can say from experience I can't imagine what my mother would of done without both of us when she got very ill and start getting from hospital to rehab and so on. Without us taking care of her papers, make sure personnal treats her right, bringing her stuff she needs and so on. I don't even imagine how much more miserable she would be.
Answers:
I agree that you should talk with your doctor asap. It could indeed be PPD. If your doctor doesn't think that is the problem or that treatment for that will help much, I think it would be best for both of you if you did place your baby for adoption. The sooner you do it, the better. I don't mean to sound harsh, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be on your baby. There is nothing wrong with your feelings. You cannot help your feelings, but keeping your baby when you feel resentful of being a mother is definately not in his best interest. I also would strongly recommend that you get counseling to help you make and deal with this decision. Once you place your baby for adoption it is forever. You cannot go back and undo it.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Nancy
Answers:
Steph...
I had my daughter when I was 17, I was NOT ready, BUT...on the flip side of that, she was my responsibility and I knew that i could just do my best...the situation with her dad wasn't good...and I ended up on my own at 18, with her and my mother moved to Florida that year as well.
In light of all that, and the fact that it WAS hard, I won't butter that up...she's going to be 16 in 6 weeks and I WOULD NEVER HAVE TRADED anything I did or chose to do for the world! She is my life...I'm married, have a great husband now, and a son who is now 7.
I did not have my 20's...I didn't even have my teens.....but, I'm a better person I think now, than I may have been had I had those years...I had to grow up quicker, yes...I missed out on some stuff, yes....but nothing is out of reach if you put your mind, heart and soul into it.
I never finished college (I took some classes when she was a baby and during employment with a great company and yes...I started there at Min Wage too). I am now self employed, making good money and am home with my children as well.
It's NOT easy....but you can do it....I bought my first house when I was 22 and she was 4, with a lot of sweat behind it....but we ( my husband and I-he is not her father) did it...with a lot of sacrafice...and one other thing...I found who my TRUE friends were during this time.
I'm not against abortion, or adoption, for the right reasons....wanting your "20's" is not a good reason. Your baby, is your responsibility. You need to make the decisions you feel are right for you, but you knew, when you had a sexual relationship, what the consequences were...and are....and here you are.
There are many of us out there, who can "wish" we did that or didn't do that....but honestly, you DO still have a life....I'm only 33, we both work, have 2 kids, a house, our kids have what they want, we take vacations, we even went away to Key West ALONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, this past spring. You need goals, and a plan, and you can do it. It's not easy...life isn't easy....
On an end note...I know a woman, who at 23 had a child and gave it up, she HATES herself now, knowing that life wasn't some "fairy tale" without a child she thought it would be.....she'll never know, what life would have been to have a child.
I look forward every morning to waking my kids up, and giving them kisses as they walk out the door....my life, my wants, come in second to them....BUT I do still have a life, I DO still have my friends, I DO still live. We take our kids everywhere with us....it's great, it's wonderful watching them grow.
It is not easy....but it can be done....you unfortunately now, need to put your child first...and you second.....that is what parenting is about.
You are in a position I wasn't in....the father seems to be very supportive and wanting of this child.
If you are going to consider adopting, the father should have the right first, to have his child with him. I also know several single fathers, or fathers who wanted custody after divorce, and they are doing VERY Well.
I didn't want to sound harsh before...but you can do it, talk to someone, see your doc...depressoin is a HUGE possibility (my best friend went through it after having her first child at 32....one she wanted, then felt she made a hUGE mistake...now she's loving it)...
Good luck to you...keep us posted, just be sure to give that little one love, the baby is innocent in all of this, and needs love, and tender loving care.
Answers:
i am so sorry that you feel this way. it must be so hard and horrible. go to the doctor and seek out support groups for young parents, take some time for yourself, take the baby to grammas or have dad stay home with him for a few hours and go for a walk, or go exercise and get some fresh air, that will help. good luck hon.
Answers:
You could be experiencing post partum depression. You should talk to your doctor about these feelings.
Also, you might qualify for free childcare through your state (or at least get some help by paying discounted childcare). It's worth looking into.
I understand how overwelmed you must feel. Babies do take a lot of work, but they will also bring you a lot of joy.
Does your boyfriend help out with the baby? If this baby is really the best thing that's ever happened to him, then he needs to make sure that he is pulling his load around the house & helping with the baby. He should give time just for yourself (which is really important for all 3 of you) Think of yourself as a bank... if you keeping giving & giving, then you will have nothing left to give. But if you take the time to rest & relax, you will be able to give more to your family.