adoption for my 6 month old?
i am a new mom, im 22 and my boy.f (the real father of the child) is 31. i feel i have made a mistake having a baby this early, and i long for a life without one. i have become very depressed, and upset. i have no one to turn too, or talk to, except my boy.f. The problem is he wants to keep the baby, and I feel he would be better off in adoption. being raised by other parents.
He sais the baby is the best decision he ever made, and I think he's the worst I have ever. I wish I could go back and have had an abortion way back ago. I dont totally hate my child, I just wish i could have the freedom I had before him. i want to have a life without a child. i want to walk out the door without him always, and come home and not have the stresses of a child. i want to work full time and have the money go to bills or things for my man and I, not for childcare. i made a bad mistake having a child. I just want my 20's back, I want to be free and be older when/if i conside a child. I dont feel I am cut out for being a mom. And I am stuck. I can't afford to move out on my own, nor do I want to leave the man I so love, and I can't move back home, my mother would never accept me back into her home without the child, and my boy.f wants the child. He is much older.
I dont have a job, or profession, so id make minimum wage if i was working in retail, 8$ bucks/hr here in canada. not enough for a full time babysitter as well as an income, and i cant work and my man stay home cause i dont make more than him. and we have too many bills, so im stuck. what do you suggest i do???, what is best for my child?
Answers:
well I can understand that you may feel that you've bitten off more than you can chew, but I'm sure you can handle it.....I think you're feeling overwhelmed right now, which is normal for a new parent. It's possible you have post-partum depression. Please seek some help for your emotional state.....I think if you gave the baby up you would regret it later......and you can't change your mind and take it back at that point......
Answers:
Sacrificing your freedom is one of the things you need to do when you become a parent. It's never easy becoming a parent, especially when you're so young. If I may ask, if you didn't want your child, why did you have one?
If you really truly feel that parenting isn't your cup of tea right now (or ever), there is nothing wrong with putting your child up for adoption. Explain your reasoning to your boyfriend, and if he can't live without the baby, then dump him and leave the child with him.
Did your boyfriend register with the State that he was the father of the child (if he is)? If he did not do this within the 30 days following the child's birth, he can have no say in the adoption process and you can give your child up without his consent. If he wants to keep 'the best decision he ever made', he can go adopt it himself.
Before making any final decisions, I would advise at least talking to someone. If these feelings continue and you find yourself still not wanting to be a parent after perhaps a year, I would say to think about whether or not you want to spend the next eighteen or more years caring for this person who you do not really want to be around. Parenthood is not for everyone, and it's not a bad thing to find this out after you've had a child. Sometimes it's the experience of being a parent that makes one realize it's not something they want to do.
Good luck to you.
Answers:
Steph-
I am so, so sorry you are feeling so depressed about all of this. Having a baby normally brings happiness and excitement. I have to agree with rosequartz that you might be suffering from post partum depression. It happens quite often and can certainly cause a new mom to feel the things you are feeling right now.
Your precious little boy has had 6 months to come to know you as mommy and has already bonded with you. If you are feeling trapped, please be very careful not to project that onto your baby. Babies are very "keen" and are able to sense when something isn't right. Your baby is the one totally innocent person in all of this and does not deserve to suffer in any way. He has no say in what happens.
I am really concerned because not once in your post did you mention your baby in a positive light. I mean, you keep saying "the baby", or "the child" which indicates that you are not bonding with your baby. Babies need and deserve that love, bonding and nuturing.
Please do not make any hasty decisions right now because you may do something you will truly regret later on. Try and seek some counseling. Talk to your OBGYN about how you are feeling, and even a psychologist. If you are suffering from post partum depression, then there is help.
The main advice I can give you is to just love your baby, don't make any rash decisions, and be patient. I can't tell you what to do, and you will get differing opinions from different people, but in the end, you will be the one who has to make the choice of what is best to do.
Is there any way your mom could maybe keep your son for a few days while you seek counseling and try and sort things out?
I do wish you the best of luck in all of this. Please keep us posted.
Answers:
steph
I agree it could be some post pardom depression going on.I once felt much the way you are now.With my first child I was only 18 yrs old and things were not working out too good with the father at the time.I also felt like you sad and wanted to have my freedom.I started to cry and think maybe it would be best if I gave my son up for adoption.I think it all lasted a few weeks and passed.I never did talk to my doctor about these feelings but I should have.So I agree talk to your doctor about what you are feeling and it really might just pass so I would give it some time before jumping the gun hun.If you still feel this way with no change for months down the road then adoption may be the best choice.I think it took some courage to post your problem here.
He sais the baby is the best decision he ever made, and I think he's the worst I have ever. I wish I could go back and have had an abortion way back ago. I dont totally hate my child, I just wish i could have the freedom I had before him. i want to have a life without a child. i want to walk out the door without him always, and come home and not have the stresses of a child. i want to work full time and have the money go to bills or things for my man and I, not for childcare. i made a bad mistake having a child. I just want my 20's back, I want to be free and be older when/if i conside a child. I dont feel I am cut out for being a mom. And I am stuck. I can't afford to move out on my own, nor do I want to leave the man I so love, and I can't move back home, my mother would never accept me back into her home without the child, and my boy.f wants the child. He is much older.
I dont have a job, or profession, so id make minimum wage if i was working in retail, 8$ bucks/hr here in canada. not enough for a full time babysitter as well as an income, and i cant work and my man stay home cause i dont make more than him. and we have too many bills, so im stuck. what do you suggest i do???, what is best for my child?
Answers:
well I can understand that you may feel that you've bitten off more than you can chew, but I'm sure you can handle it.....I think you're feeling overwhelmed right now, which is normal for a new parent. It's possible you have post-partum depression. Please seek some help for your emotional state.....I think if you gave the baby up you would regret it later......and you can't change your mind and take it back at that point......
Answers:
Sacrificing your freedom is one of the things you need to do when you become a parent. It's never easy becoming a parent, especially when you're so young. If I may ask, if you didn't want your child, why did you have one?
If you really truly feel that parenting isn't your cup of tea right now (or ever), there is nothing wrong with putting your child up for adoption. Explain your reasoning to your boyfriend, and if he can't live without the baby, then dump him and leave the child with him.
Did your boyfriend register with the State that he was the father of the child (if he is)? If he did not do this within the 30 days following the child's birth, he can have no say in the adoption process and you can give your child up without his consent. If he wants to keep 'the best decision he ever made', he can go adopt it himself.
Before making any final decisions, I would advise at least talking to someone. If these feelings continue and you find yourself still not wanting to be a parent after perhaps a year, I would say to think about whether or not you want to spend the next eighteen or more years caring for this person who you do not really want to be around. Parenthood is not for everyone, and it's not a bad thing to find this out after you've had a child. Sometimes it's the experience of being a parent that makes one realize it's not something they want to do.
Good luck to you.
Answers:
Steph-
I am so, so sorry you are feeling so depressed about all of this. Having a baby normally brings happiness and excitement. I have to agree with rosequartz that you might be suffering from post partum depression. It happens quite often and can certainly cause a new mom to feel the things you are feeling right now.
Your precious little boy has had 6 months to come to know you as mommy and has already bonded with you. If you are feeling trapped, please be very careful not to project that onto your baby. Babies are very "keen" and are able to sense when something isn't right. Your baby is the one totally innocent person in all of this and does not deserve to suffer in any way. He has no say in what happens.
I am really concerned because not once in your post did you mention your baby in a positive light. I mean, you keep saying "the baby", or "the child" which indicates that you are not bonding with your baby. Babies need and deserve that love, bonding and nuturing.
Please do not make any hasty decisions right now because you may do something you will truly regret later on. Try and seek some counseling. Talk to your OBGYN about how you are feeling, and even a psychologist. If you are suffering from post partum depression, then there is help.
The main advice I can give you is to just love your baby, don't make any rash decisions, and be patient. I can't tell you what to do, and you will get differing opinions from different people, but in the end, you will be the one who has to make the choice of what is best to do.
Is there any way your mom could maybe keep your son for a few days while you seek counseling and try and sort things out?
I do wish you the best of luck in all of this. Please keep us posted.
Answers:
steph
I agree it could be some post pardom depression going on.I once felt much the way you are now.With my first child I was only 18 yrs old and things were not working out too good with the father at the time.I also felt like you sad and wanted to have my freedom.I started to cry and think maybe it would be best if I gave my son up for adoption.I think it all lasted a few weeks and passed.I never did talk to my doctor about these feelings but I should have.So I agree talk to your doctor about what you are feeling and it really might just pass so I would give it some time before jumping the gun hun.If you still feel this way with no change for months down the road then adoption may be the best choice.I think it took some courage to post your problem here.