Discipline help needed for my 3 y.o. son
HEllo. Ok, my son is 3 yrs old, and he is the most bad tempered child I've ever seen. I'm not kidding. I'm not just saying this bc he's my son other people have told me as well. Nothing seems to work with him. He won't sit in time out, i've tried it. I ended up locking him in the computer room for 2-3 min. with me on the other side of course and the lights on, etc. but i think it's really cruel and my mom also thinks it's cruel. so i don't wanta do that anymore. so i really don't know what else to do. when he gets bad tempered he cries and screams from the top of his lungs and he won't shut up. i don't know what to do. please help. any advice???
Answers:
Have you talked to your pediatrician? Perhaps he or she can refer you to a developmental specialist? Does your son have any other difficulties? Speech delay? Sensory integration problems? Good luck!
Answers:
Have you tried spanking him at all? By all means, don't let anyone tell you that spanking is child abuse. Most of the time, children don't understand the value of words or benign actions, which is why if you put them in time-out or say, "Please don't do that, sweetie", they won't listen. It's like when you try to tell a child not to touch a hot stove...you can tell and tell and tell until you're blue in the face not to touch the stove because it's hot and it will hurt...but the child will go and touch it anyway, and then they learn the hard way not to touch the stove.
Seriously, reasoning with children, or the whole "gentle discipline" thing yield little results, because, as said, children value words very little. Sometimes, you need to physically show them that misbehaving is unacceptable, and you may need to do that with a firm hand across their little behinds. And no, locking the child in a room for misbehaving isn't cruel - one can only hope a few minutes of boredom will drive the kid nuts enough to make them behave, but sometimes it doesn't work, and the child will continue to wail, be destructive, etc.
Has your son been diagnosed with anything, like autism or Asperger's? If not, or you do not suspect any mental conditions, I strongly advocate giving him a firm tanning of his hide to encourage better behavior - once he learns to associate his bad behavior with pain, he'll hopefully learn to not do it anymore. Don't be afraid to use a little corporal punishment.
Answers:
No he doesn't have anything wrong with him and the pediatrician always says he's even advanced. He talks advanced for his age, he's very smart, maybe too smart that's why he misbehaves. I've tried spanking him too but it'll only get him crying louder. And afterwards I feel so guilty and bad for spanking. Although I do agree with you that kids now a days need a lot more spanking and parents just aren't giving it.
Locking him in the room usually gets better behaviour afterwards but only i've put him in the room 2 consecutive times or more. I've thought of taking him to a psychologist just so he can give me methods for disciplining him. He's a normal child in every way but very strong willed and hard to discipline. Thanks for the advice, I feel better about locking him in the room.
Answers:
If locking him in the room is what get results, then I say that's what you do. It would be cruel if you did it for hours on end, at night, in the dark, on a hot summer's day with no windows open and no food or water. That's cruel. 2-3 minutes alone in a room whith you right on the other side of the door...that's a time out. My son who is 3 is sent to his room for timeout and it works very well. For several months all I've had to do is mention time out and the behavior stops.
If he does something bad, calmly tell him if he does it again he's getting a timeout. When he does it again, tell him what he did and then put him in timeout. Even if that is putting him in the computer room. After timeout is done, say "you got a time out because _______" Then make him say he's sorry and then give him a big hug and drop what has happened. Do the EXACT same thing EVERYTIME. That is the only way he's going to learn. If you start giving in or not being consistant he will walk all over you.
My little guy is also very advanced and has MAJOR attitude! But I have never had to raise a hand to him yet to get him under control. That's just my parenting style. Trust me, there have been days where he got several time outs...be he knows who's in charge and that I will not cave.
Answers:
Have you talked to your pediatrician? Perhaps he or she can refer you to a developmental specialist? Does your son have any other difficulties? Speech delay? Sensory integration problems? Good luck!
Answers:
Have you tried spanking him at all? By all means, don't let anyone tell you that spanking is child abuse. Most of the time, children don't understand the value of words or benign actions, which is why if you put them in time-out or say, "Please don't do that, sweetie", they won't listen. It's like when you try to tell a child not to touch a hot stove...you can tell and tell and tell until you're blue in the face not to touch the stove because it's hot and it will hurt...but the child will go and touch it anyway, and then they learn the hard way not to touch the stove.
Seriously, reasoning with children, or the whole "gentle discipline" thing yield little results, because, as said, children value words very little. Sometimes, you need to physically show them that misbehaving is unacceptable, and you may need to do that with a firm hand across their little behinds. And no, locking the child in a room for misbehaving isn't cruel - one can only hope a few minutes of boredom will drive the kid nuts enough to make them behave, but sometimes it doesn't work, and the child will continue to wail, be destructive, etc.
Has your son been diagnosed with anything, like autism or Asperger's? If not, or you do not suspect any mental conditions, I strongly advocate giving him a firm tanning of his hide to encourage better behavior - once he learns to associate his bad behavior with pain, he'll hopefully learn to not do it anymore. Don't be afraid to use a little corporal punishment.
Answers:
No he doesn't have anything wrong with him and the pediatrician always says he's even advanced. He talks advanced for his age, he's very smart, maybe too smart that's why he misbehaves. I've tried spanking him too but it'll only get him crying louder. And afterwards I feel so guilty and bad for spanking. Although I do agree with you that kids now a days need a lot more spanking and parents just aren't giving it.
Locking him in the room usually gets better behaviour afterwards but only i've put him in the room 2 consecutive times or more. I've thought of taking him to a psychologist just so he can give me methods for disciplining him. He's a normal child in every way but very strong willed and hard to discipline. Thanks for the advice, I feel better about locking him in the room.
Answers:
If locking him in the room is what get results, then I say that's what you do. It would be cruel if you did it for hours on end, at night, in the dark, on a hot summer's day with no windows open and no food or water. That's cruel. 2-3 minutes alone in a room whith you right on the other side of the door...that's a time out. My son who is 3 is sent to his room for timeout and it works very well. For several months all I've had to do is mention time out and the behavior stops.
If he does something bad, calmly tell him if he does it again he's getting a timeout. When he does it again, tell him what he did and then put him in timeout. Even if that is putting him in the computer room. After timeout is done, say "you got a time out because _______" Then make him say he's sorry and then give him a big hug and drop what has happened. Do the EXACT same thing EVERYTIME. That is the only way he's going to learn. If you start giving in or not being consistant he will walk all over you.
My little guy is also very advanced and has MAJOR attitude! But I have never had to raise a hand to him yet to get him under control. That's just my parenting style. Trust me, there have been days where he got several time outs...be he knows who's in charge and that I will not cave.