does it ever stop hurting
In the last two months I have had two of my daughters walk out on our family. My oldest daughter moved i with her BF and his parents and lied about where she was living. She rolled my car causing over $3,000 worth of damage that the insurance did not pay, she paid about $500 and called her debt pd.
My other daughter went to work a week after she and her twin turned 18, by the way it was a week before her brother and sister (twins also) had a b-day. When she got to work she put a note in her twins purse and told her to give it to me. " Thank you for a wonderful 18 years.......find myself.....living with a friend from work....bye" No name no number nothing.
We have since found out that she is living with a couple that has been arrested on drug charges and that prostitution is actively going on in the house. We tried to talk to her and now she is telling people that we tried to kidnap her and that we stole her money.
The girl that she is living with approached her twin and said, "When are you going to move out. You know that they are just using you."
Both of my children blindsided me, I thought that we had a really good relationship. Boy was I wrong. Neither one will call us and the 18yo has told people that she never wants anything to do with us again, that includes her twin and 12yo brother and sister.
I have beat myself up trying to figure out what I did. Family was always so important to me. I don't have one of my own. I am terrified that my other children will do the same thing. I cry all the time. Sometimes I feel like the only thing missing was the funerals because it hurts just like a death.
Has anyone else ever gone through this? Will they come back? Will it ever stop hurting? I sometimes wonder if you can die from a broken heart. It hurts so bad.
Thank you for listening.
Answers:
i am only 24, and my children are only 4 and 1, so i have no idea what you are going through. i can't even imagine what it must feel like. i don't think it is that people don't care, it's just they don't know what to say.
i don't know what to tell you except that i will pray for you and that your children will someday realize what they are missing.
i got married at 17, not because i had to, but because i was in love. we have been happily married now for 6 years, so i really didn't live with my parents when i was an adult. i think it may be that they are just trying to find themselves as adults, what their purpose is, and what makes them happy. they may not want you right there to point out their mistakes as they make them. or are ashamed of what they are doing and don't want you to know. i don't know, but hopefully they will return, maybe not to live, but to have a relationship with you.
i guess the only advise i could give is to be positive, if ever you see them or talk to them, always make sure it is in a positive way, let them know you miss them and will always be there for them. try not to be negative and tell them what they are doing is wrong (even if you feel that way) if they know they have your support and love no matter what they are doing, they will feel like they can come to you. and in the same way, try not to be negative to people who may repeat it to them.
like i said i don't understand and can't even imagine the hurt. but in answer to your title, does it ever stop hurting, as a mother, i imagine not. no matter what, you will always be their mother and will always care what is going on with them, but hopefully you won't have to worry about it hurting too much longer, hopefully they will come back. that is my prayer for you.
take care and you will be in my prayers,
brandi
Answers:
Thank you. I guess all we can ever do as parents is try our best, be ready to apologize when we erre and hope that we have taught them enough to be able to make it in the world on their own.
Answers:
If you do this to your chldren (trying to lay guilt trips on them) then i can understand why they have moved on and dont want any contact with you.
However you must also understand they are adults now and it is time to let them go. They will return kids always do. But if you talk to them they way you posted here then its going to be much longer then neccessary. Just give them some room and let them come to terms with whatever is going on with them and or with you.
My daughter and i have fights quite often and we have even gone as long as a year not speaking but in the end one of us caves and we start all over again. Each person when they fly the coop has to learn to relive again so to speak. theres a whole new world out there and they need to explore it.
Focus on you remaining children at home. If they see how your reacting to their siblings moving out when its their turn its going to be even harder on them to want to grow up and move out. This is going to be in the backs of their minds when the time comes for them.
Its hard on us parents when the kids no longer "need" us anymore.
My other daughter went to work a week after she and her twin turned 18, by the way it was a week before her brother and sister (twins also) had a b-day. When she got to work she put a note in her twins purse and told her to give it to me. " Thank you for a wonderful 18 years.......find myself.....living with a friend from work....bye" No name no number nothing.
We have since found out that she is living with a couple that has been arrested on drug charges and that prostitution is actively going on in the house. We tried to talk to her and now she is telling people that we tried to kidnap her and that we stole her money.
The girl that she is living with approached her twin and said, "When are you going to move out. You know that they are just using you."
Both of my children blindsided me, I thought that we had a really good relationship. Boy was I wrong. Neither one will call us and the 18yo has told people that she never wants anything to do with us again, that includes her twin and 12yo brother and sister.
I have beat myself up trying to figure out what I did. Family was always so important to me. I don't have one of my own. I am terrified that my other children will do the same thing. I cry all the time. Sometimes I feel like the only thing missing was the funerals because it hurts just like a death.
Has anyone else ever gone through this? Will they come back? Will it ever stop hurting? I sometimes wonder if you can die from a broken heart. It hurts so bad.
Thank you for listening.
Answers:
i am only 24, and my children are only 4 and 1, so i have no idea what you are going through. i can't even imagine what it must feel like. i don't think it is that people don't care, it's just they don't know what to say.
i don't know what to tell you except that i will pray for you and that your children will someday realize what they are missing.
i got married at 17, not because i had to, but because i was in love. we have been happily married now for 6 years, so i really didn't live with my parents when i was an adult. i think it may be that they are just trying to find themselves as adults, what their purpose is, and what makes them happy. they may not want you right there to point out their mistakes as they make them. or are ashamed of what they are doing and don't want you to know. i don't know, but hopefully they will return, maybe not to live, but to have a relationship with you.
i guess the only advise i could give is to be positive, if ever you see them or talk to them, always make sure it is in a positive way, let them know you miss them and will always be there for them. try not to be negative and tell them what they are doing is wrong (even if you feel that way) if they know they have your support and love no matter what they are doing, they will feel like they can come to you. and in the same way, try not to be negative to people who may repeat it to them.
like i said i don't understand and can't even imagine the hurt. but in answer to your title, does it ever stop hurting, as a mother, i imagine not. no matter what, you will always be their mother and will always care what is going on with them, but hopefully you won't have to worry about it hurting too much longer, hopefully they will come back. that is my prayer for you.
take care and you will be in my prayers,
brandi
Answers:
Thank you. I guess all we can ever do as parents is try our best, be ready to apologize when we erre and hope that we have taught them enough to be able to make it in the world on their own.
Answers:
If you do this to your chldren (trying to lay guilt trips on them) then i can understand why they have moved on and dont want any contact with you.
However you must also understand they are adults now and it is time to let them go. They will return kids always do. But if you talk to them they way you posted here then its going to be much longer then neccessary. Just give them some room and let them come to terms with whatever is going on with them and or with you.
My daughter and i have fights quite often and we have even gone as long as a year not speaking but in the end one of us caves and we start all over again. Each person when they fly the coop has to learn to relive again so to speak. theres a whole new world out there and they need to explore it.
Focus on you remaining children at home. If they see how your reacting to their siblings moving out when its their turn its going to be even harder on them to want to grow up and move out. This is going to be in the backs of their minds when the time comes for them.
Its hard on us parents when the kids no longer "need" us anymore.