Advice on dealing with sexual abuse of nephew:
First before I go any further if your sensitive to these matters for any reason please beware this might not be good for you to read. Nothing will be graphic or anything but just be aware this "might" be hard to read.
My nephew Chris has told me this afternoon all that was done to him and I'm just shocked that "anyone" could do something like this. I was also suprised he did tell me today as he tried this morning before getting sick. This was very hard for him so I feel required to make sure I handle this correctly. He sucked it up throwing up trying to tell me everything and I'm very proud of him for gathering that strength and yes I told him that. Also he is almost 8 years old now and he was abused when he was 6 years old.
He was abused by another older little league player at the baseball park near his old home. He was always in walking distance to the park by the way. Chris said he got him to go to the park by showing him baseball cards for the first few months. Chris told me that he took him into one of the storage rooms to show him a few more baseball card collections stored in their and when he went in the storage shed he forced him down and put tape on his mouth and tied him up. Chris over the next hour or so told me everything he did to him and I won't say everything on here but he did everything you can imagine to him. Chris told me he left to see him after lunch (around noon) and when he let him go it was nightfall and in the summer it doesn't get dark until around 8pm. He doesn't know what time it really was just that it was dark. This boy drove him home and my brother told him thanks for taking him to the park and to his friends house. This sick boy actually told Chris's parents he was taking him to the park and his friends house and would pick him up and bring him home. Chris told me he told him he would kill his parents if he told anyone so its no wonder he held this inside for so long.
My problem is I don't know who this kid is as I can't ask Chris's parents as they are dead now. Chris did tell me he knows what team and number he played on and his first name so that is the only thing I can go on now. But now remains the other problem which is the fact that without evidence they won't take the word of a screwed up kid who just lost his parents and so on and so forth. I am going to at least call the little league department and tell them the year, team, number and name of this player and inform them of what happened. I will make sure to tell them I understand he can't prove it but I know without a doubt it happened and they need to at least be aware of this. They might be able to find out if other kids are spending alot more time with him.
Also right now I'm just trying to think about how to help him but I just have no clue what todo next. I don't know what to say to him or what todo for him. I'm just very helpless and clueless and nothing ever before has been this way. Even if I didn't know what todo I at least knew where to look to start and figure it out but not this time. My other problem is that I have no idea exactly how old this kid is. I asked Chris if he could tell me who in our area looks close to him in age. I gave an example of a younger high school kid he knew, an older one and a middle school kid in 7th grade. He told me he looked more like the 7th grade kid. So that is what confuses me is that Chris is telling me he looks like a 12-14 year old which is making it hard for me to believe. I even went as far as to ask Chris how much taller he was compared to him and Chris said he was only a little bit taller than him. I even asked Chris to tell me if he had a lot of hair in his privates and he said he had just a little more than he does now. I know these aren't the best questions to ask him but I had to ask them to find out how old this kid is. Chris has a very little bit of hair so this other kid having just a little bit more makes it even more likely he was just 12-14 years old.
Oh and just to make sure you all know when I say this kid drove him home it was with an ATV not a car. So as of now I'm just trying to process all of this information and hope I can figure out what todo next.
Answers:
Dear Mark
WHy did he tell you all this? I mean what was the reason he told you now? Did something set him off? YOu mentioned that he got sick....sounds like he may have PTSD. Does he even want to talk to anyone else. I note that you are a man, and you tend to want to focus on the abuser and bringing him to justice, and protecting other children from him... THat is great, but the steady focus should be your nephew.
Do you feel like this has effected his schooling, attitude, friendships? So much to find out about what effects this may have now. Don't push him...he may close up all together. If you make too much ruckus with this he may have detrimantal reactions... Slow and easy.
Answers:
I'm not exactly sure why he told me all of this but he did. His doctor and I asked him about a drawing he made and we both asked if anyone did anything to you that you felt was wrong and he went all nuts throwing stuff around the docs office. I later told him nothing he said to me would upset me or gross me out and when he was ready to talk he can talk to me or anyone else he wants.
Also he is suffering from PTSD but for an entire different reason and yes while I am concerned about protecting other children from him my main and total focus has been on Chris and only Chris. I hate to just direct people to read but this is too complex to try and explain all of this as we go so I suggest you search my username and read the threads I started that covers all that is going on so you can better understand all of this.
Answers:
Good idea..Thanks I will do that.
Answers:
Mark,
I am glad you suggested that I read previous posts....What this child has been through really puts to the test "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle" Is it safe to assume that he is still in counseling? I wonder if he has told his counselor any of this. I think it is important to his treatment that this be known if he is seeing a counselor.
I am only identifying because I too was sexualy abused as a child from the age of 5-13. Looking back at my childhood, I see the outward behaviors that manifested themselves, and as a teen. I do know that it has and always will have an effect on my life. How could it not.
As for your young man, I would wonder if he simply shuts down..emotionaly. I truly am not sure what my response would be except to reassure him that none of it is his fault. Children tend to internalize these things and blame themselves.Make sure he understands that you are glad he told you about this because it helps you understand him better.
Shame will most likely be a big part of this, and may be a big part of the suicidal issues.
I hope your mom is recovering well. God Bless you, as you are a savior for this boy.
My nephew Chris has told me this afternoon all that was done to him and I'm just shocked that "anyone" could do something like this. I was also suprised he did tell me today as he tried this morning before getting sick. This was very hard for him so I feel required to make sure I handle this correctly. He sucked it up throwing up trying to tell me everything and I'm very proud of him for gathering that strength and yes I told him that. Also he is almost 8 years old now and he was abused when he was 6 years old.
He was abused by another older little league player at the baseball park near his old home. He was always in walking distance to the park by the way. Chris said he got him to go to the park by showing him baseball cards for the first few months. Chris told me that he took him into one of the storage rooms to show him a few more baseball card collections stored in their and when he went in the storage shed he forced him down and put tape on his mouth and tied him up. Chris over the next hour or so told me everything he did to him and I won't say everything on here but he did everything you can imagine to him. Chris told me he left to see him after lunch (around noon) and when he let him go it was nightfall and in the summer it doesn't get dark until around 8pm. He doesn't know what time it really was just that it was dark. This boy drove him home and my brother told him thanks for taking him to the park and to his friends house. This sick boy actually told Chris's parents he was taking him to the park and his friends house and would pick him up and bring him home. Chris told me he told him he would kill his parents if he told anyone so its no wonder he held this inside for so long.
My problem is I don't know who this kid is as I can't ask Chris's parents as they are dead now. Chris did tell me he knows what team and number he played on and his first name so that is the only thing I can go on now. But now remains the other problem which is the fact that without evidence they won't take the word of a screwed up kid who just lost his parents and so on and so forth. I am going to at least call the little league department and tell them the year, team, number and name of this player and inform them of what happened. I will make sure to tell them I understand he can't prove it but I know without a doubt it happened and they need to at least be aware of this. They might be able to find out if other kids are spending alot more time with him.
Also right now I'm just trying to think about how to help him but I just have no clue what todo next. I don't know what to say to him or what todo for him. I'm just very helpless and clueless and nothing ever before has been this way. Even if I didn't know what todo I at least knew where to look to start and figure it out but not this time. My other problem is that I have no idea exactly how old this kid is. I asked Chris if he could tell me who in our area looks close to him in age. I gave an example of a younger high school kid he knew, an older one and a middle school kid in 7th grade. He told me he looked more like the 7th grade kid. So that is what confuses me is that Chris is telling me he looks like a 12-14 year old which is making it hard for me to believe. I even went as far as to ask Chris how much taller he was compared to him and Chris said he was only a little bit taller than him. I even asked Chris to tell me if he had a lot of hair in his privates and he said he had just a little more than he does now. I know these aren't the best questions to ask him but I had to ask them to find out how old this kid is. Chris has a very little bit of hair so this other kid having just a little bit more makes it even more likely he was just 12-14 years old.
Oh and just to make sure you all know when I say this kid drove him home it was with an ATV not a car. So as of now I'm just trying to process all of this information and hope I can figure out what todo next.
Answers:
Dear Mark
WHy did he tell you all this? I mean what was the reason he told you now? Did something set him off? YOu mentioned that he got sick....sounds like he may have PTSD. Does he even want to talk to anyone else. I note that you are a man, and you tend to want to focus on the abuser and bringing him to justice, and protecting other children from him... THat is great, but the steady focus should be your nephew.
Do you feel like this has effected his schooling, attitude, friendships? So much to find out about what effects this may have now. Don't push him...he may close up all together. If you make too much ruckus with this he may have detrimantal reactions... Slow and easy.
Answers:
I'm not exactly sure why he told me all of this but he did. His doctor and I asked him about a drawing he made and we both asked if anyone did anything to you that you felt was wrong and he went all nuts throwing stuff around the docs office. I later told him nothing he said to me would upset me or gross me out and when he was ready to talk he can talk to me or anyone else he wants.
Also he is suffering from PTSD but for an entire different reason and yes while I am concerned about protecting other children from him my main and total focus has been on Chris and only Chris. I hate to just direct people to read but this is too complex to try and explain all of this as we go so I suggest you search my username and read the threads I started that covers all that is going on so you can better understand all of this.
Answers:
Good idea..Thanks I will do that.
Answers:
Mark,
I am glad you suggested that I read previous posts....What this child has been through really puts to the test "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle" Is it safe to assume that he is still in counseling? I wonder if he has told his counselor any of this. I think it is important to his treatment that this be known if he is seeing a counselor.
I am only identifying because I too was sexualy abused as a child from the age of 5-13. Looking back at my childhood, I see the outward behaviors that manifested themselves, and as a teen. I do know that it has and always will have an effect on my life. How could it not.
As for your young man, I would wonder if he simply shuts down..emotionaly. I truly am not sure what my response would be except to reassure him that none of it is his fault. Children tend to internalize these things and blame themselves.Make sure he understands that you are glad he told you about this because it helps you understand him better.
Shame will most likely be a big part of this, and may be a big part of the suicidal issues.
I hope your mom is recovering well. God Bless you, as you are a savior for this boy.