trouble with out of control teen: HELP! - Page 2
Hi mom, my first thought also was to approach your step-daughter with love and concern instead of punishment. I wouldn't worry about tattoes, but I would let her know that you are concerned about her and ask her what is wrong and why is she acting this way. You could explain to her why these behaviors are worrisome and why they are not good for her. I think that carrots always work better than sticks, especially with teenagers who have issues. I think that you are doing a great job! The support group is a good idea.
Answers:
Mom2mom,
Definitely, without a doubt, this child needs counseling!!! Her behaviors are a serious cry for help. Chances are good that she has been abused in the past and needs help dealing with it.
In the meantime, she needs consequences for bad behaviors. But, grounding her for 6 months will make things worse, not better. If she's grounded for that long, she has no chance to earn her way out of "prison".
Ground her for a week. If she's good during that week, she's free at the end. If she does something else that needs a counsequence during that period, don't ground her for longer. Instead, take away something else important to her - phone priviledges, computer time, whatever is important to her. Need another punishment, take away something else but only for a limited time.
If you take things away for too long, there is no reason for her to be good. She's in trouble anyway.
And, make that appointment for counseling right away, okay?
Make sense?
Answers:
Hello,
I'm sorry you are having so much trouble with your step daughter.
I know a lot of people have replied to your post but I feel compelled to give you helpful words.
I was one of those teenagers!! I ran away from home (I would dissapear for days at a time), faught with my parents, did drugs, got tattoos and piercings, unsafe sexual activaty (std), NEVER went to school.
My parents were very caring people. They raised me good. I went to church, played sports, had good friends. When I was about 13 I found some new friends and it just went down from there. I didn't care what my parents said I was going to do what I wanted. My parents tried everything. I did counseling for a couple years. It never helped, I wasn't going to tell some stranger what was really going on in my life. They would ground me, take my stuff away, try to talk to me. They even got to the point that they were going to have me live in a foster home because they couldn't handle me. Social workers were even involved. Finelly their last resort was to send me to treatment. It was the best thing my parents could have ever done for me. I faught it at first. I wasn't willing to even try it. but after a couple weeks of being there I finally caved and gave in and it worked. After treatment for 60 days I stayed in a halfway house for 90 days, another good thing. I fixed what was going on with me (in my head) , I got away from my old friends and I made new ones. About 1 year later I started a sober school (Sobriety High) a well known school in this area and that is where I graduated from. I tried to go to a regular school but it just didn't work.
I am now 27 years old I have two wonderful kids and have been married for 7 years. Looking at me now you would never guess that I went through that. Only a few tattoos on my hand are reminders.
Whenever I hear a story that reminds me of me, my first thought is the kid needs treatment. It takes them out of their life style and shows them how to have a better life.
Sorry to ramble on about my life but I thought you might want to hear from someone that was like your daughter. If she's anything like me, nothing will work. She's probably to diffiant.
I hope I helped you and good luck!
Joanna
Answers:
Hi I'm 39 and I was one of those kids also. But Unlike Peanut my Mom sent me away for treatment through the family courts for a year than I decided to stay another 2 yrs to finish high school. She's really super pissed about her Mom so do yourself a favor and don't talk about her Mother as white trash alcoholic if you ever want to have a relationship with this girl it's not your place to. She needs major therapy to work out her anger and abandonment issues. Sometimes removing the child from the situation is best they get the time they need to step back and look at themselves and everything else in their lives. I thank god my Mom sent me away half the people I use to hang around with are either dead or still using drugs. Good luck this is a really tough one it's seems like no matter what you do you can't do anything right but you know what you have to do.
Answers:
Well she did get a tattoo... "Because her Mom wanted her to" (even though she knew it was forbidden) and she hid and lied about a failing progress report. She went to her first support group meeting but I couldn't go. Her Dad had to take her. I had a very sick toddler at home and he didn't want to be left with her. So he took the teen. I guess it was productive. We found out that she is still cutting. (or so she says) I hope it is a start for her. We may still end up in therapy and she may still end up in a long term treatment program. Her issue isn't her friends it is her feelings about her mom... her diseased step-dad and her real dad... She doesn't have much to say about me other than that she loves me and that sometimes I am too strict and I yell too much. (Well at least someone in her life has taken an interest in seeing that she amounts to something)
I too was a "bad kid" I was having sex, drinking and doing drugs at the age of 13. By 14-15 my parents grounded me for 6 months and I straightened up. I turned in to an A-B honor roll student, almost always told the truth and learned to respect my folks instead of fearing them. I am a well adjusted 30 something, raising 3 kids and working, using my college degree. I never went to treatment, I never got counseling... I just got grounded and I got it together.
I appreciate everyones input... My step daughter isn't me... and she is facing a set of personal demons that I never faced...
Just doing to best I can!
Answers:
Mom2mom,
Definitely, without a doubt, this child needs counseling!!! Her behaviors are a serious cry for help. Chances are good that she has been abused in the past and needs help dealing with it.
In the meantime, she needs consequences for bad behaviors. But, grounding her for 6 months will make things worse, not better. If she's grounded for that long, she has no chance to earn her way out of "prison".
Ground her for a week. If she's good during that week, she's free at the end. If she does something else that needs a counsequence during that period, don't ground her for longer. Instead, take away something else important to her - phone priviledges, computer time, whatever is important to her. Need another punishment, take away something else but only for a limited time.
If you take things away for too long, there is no reason for her to be good. She's in trouble anyway.
And, make that appointment for counseling right away, okay?
Make sense?
Answers:
Hello,
I'm sorry you are having so much trouble with your step daughter.
I know a lot of people have replied to your post but I feel compelled to give you helpful words.
I was one of those teenagers!! I ran away from home (I would dissapear for days at a time), faught with my parents, did drugs, got tattoos and piercings, unsafe sexual activaty (std), NEVER went to school.
My parents were very caring people. They raised me good. I went to church, played sports, had good friends. When I was about 13 I found some new friends and it just went down from there. I didn't care what my parents said I was going to do what I wanted. My parents tried everything. I did counseling for a couple years. It never helped, I wasn't going to tell some stranger what was really going on in my life. They would ground me, take my stuff away, try to talk to me. They even got to the point that they were going to have me live in a foster home because they couldn't handle me. Social workers were even involved. Finelly their last resort was to send me to treatment. It was the best thing my parents could have ever done for me. I faught it at first. I wasn't willing to even try it. but after a couple weeks of being there I finally caved and gave in and it worked. After treatment for 60 days I stayed in a halfway house for 90 days, another good thing. I fixed what was going on with me (in my head) , I got away from my old friends and I made new ones. About 1 year later I started a sober school (Sobriety High) a well known school in this area and that is where I graduated from. I tried to go to a regular school but it just didn't work.
I am now 27 years old I have two wonderful kids and have been married for 7 years. Looking at me now you would never guess that I went through that. Only a few tattoos on my hand are reminders.
Whenever I hear a story that reminds me of me, my first thought is the kid needs treatment. It takes them out of their life style and shows them how to have a better life.
Sorry to ramble on about my life but I thought you might want to hear from someone that was like your daughter. If she's anything like me, nothing will work. She's probably to diffiant.
I hope I helped you and good luck!
Joanna
Answers:
Hi I'm 39 and I was one of those kids also. But Unlike Peanut my Mom sent me away for treatment through the family courts for a year than I decided to stay another 2 yrs to finish high school. She's really super pissed about her Mom so do yourself a favor and don't talk about her Mother as white trash alcoholic if you ever want to have a relationship with this girl it's not your place to. She needs major therapy to work out her anger and abandonment issues. Sometimes removing the child from the situation is best they get the time they need to step back and look at themselves and everything else in their lives. I thank god my Mom sent me away half the people I use to hang around with are either dead or still using drugs. Good luck this is a really tough one it's seems like no matter what you do you can't do anything right but you know what you have to do.
Answers:
Well she did get a tattoo... "Because her Mom wanted her to" (even though she knew it was forbidden) and she hid and lied about a failing progress report. She went to her first support group meeting but I couldn't go. Her Dad had to take her. I had a very sick toddler at home and he didn't want to be left with her. So he took the teen. I guess it was productive. We found out that she is still cutting. (or so she says) I hope it is a start for her. We may still end up in therapy and she may still end up in a long term treatment program. Her issue isn't her friends it is her feelings about her mom... her diseased step-dad and her real dad... She doesn't have much to say about me other than that she loves me and that sometimes I am too strict and I yell too much. (Well at least someone in her life has taken an interest in seeing that she amounts to something)
I too was a "bad kid" I was having sex, drinking and doing drugs at the age of 13. By 14-15 my parents grounded me for 6 months and I straightened up. I turned in to an A-B honor roll student, almost always told the truth and learned to respect my folks instead of fearing them. I am a well adjusted 30 something, raising 3 kids and working, using my college degree. I never went to treatment, I never got counseling... I just got grounded and I got it together.
I appreciate everyones input... My step daughter isn't me... and she is facing a set of personal demons that I never faced...
Just doing to best I can!