100% burnt out
Ok folks, I used to be an addict on these boards because I loved getting and giving advice...now I'm back and I need support desperately.
I am having such a hard time with my kids who are almost 2 and 3 1/2. I love them to death but I am so exhausted, I need a break and all I want to do is run away. I feel like never can 5 minutes pass without something breaking, someone crying, someone whining, someone falling, someone needing a drink or a snack, without a diaper being changed, someone needing help, a fight breaking out, something being lost. I want to do an activity for more than 5 minutes. I want to sit down for more than 5 minutes. I want to say we have to do something without a protest from one of the two. I want them to agree on things. I want my house to remain clean for more than 5 minutes. I'm tired of staring at all of the laundry that we can never catch up on.
I get up for work at 3:30am M-F and I am home by 11am. My husband leaves for work around 1pm and isn't home until midnight. We are both so tired. I come home from work and jump right into mommy mode and continue it all day (from 1pm on without help) I finally get everyone in bed around 7 and then there's the cleaning and everything else to take care of. And my husband doesn't have it much better.
I just feel like I am ready to break. In fact, I know I'm breaking. I'm finding I can be patient for a while, but once I hit the breaking point for the day I get really upset. I hate that I am yelling at them almost everyday. Half the time it's over something unimportant, but it's the 476th unimportant thing of the day and it becomes the final straw. I find myself just watching the clock for bed time and thinking how am I going to kill the next two hours, the next hour, the next 30 minutes?
I've been through a lot of crap this year and all of that has gotten a lot better. I stayed strong for my kids and even tempered as I didn't want to take it out on them. But now that calmness seems to have ended. I don't know if now I am so totally wiped out and that's what's causing it. I think it's just the comination of two kids and that "grand age", plus the exhastion and rough year.
I do take time for myself everyday. And I have friends who are moms. So I have some of the basics covered. But I haven't been away alone with my husband in over a year and that was just for two days. So I know that isn't helping things any.
Tell me I am not alone. Tell me that I'll beg for these days when they become teenagers. Tell me it will pass. And tell me how I can relax with my kids.
Answers:
If you have 5 minutes alone, sit down, close your eyes and take several deep full breaths. Be thankful that you still have your health, that all your limbs are working. Recognize that you are in a phase; certainly a difficult phase and it may go on for a few more years. And then you'll be into another phase. It may not be as difficult, but it will certainly have it's challenges.
If you have 5 minutes alone, sit down, close your eyes, take several deep breaths. Be thankful that your legs and feet are working, that your arms and hands are able to do the miraculous things they do.
Give yourself permission to feel tired, stressed and burned out. Try not to get upset about your being stressed. Or, rather, don't get stressed about being stressed. Don't demoralize yourself with negative self talk. You sound like you're doing a lot and it's normal that you would feel overhwelmed. You're children are just at that age when they can demand soooooo much. Let yourself be less than perfect; it's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to be frustrated and angry. It's ok to cry.
If you have 5 minutes alone, sit down, close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Be thankful that you have a job, have a husband, have friends. Make time with your friends, your husband and other adults a priority. You need time with peers. And you need time to be alone with yourself.
take a few deep breaths....and then return to the challenge that is your life now knowing that its passing away day by day right before your eyes.
Good luck....
Answers:
Sweetie I totally feel for you! I have a 5 year old and a 6 month old and I too beg for two minutes to go the bathroom without an audience.
When my youngest was born I was having health problems and my husband worked 6 days a week. It was the beginning of the summer and the oldest was out of preschool. I would find myself having a meltdown every Saturday evening when my husband got home from work.
You are not alone. I don't know one mother who hasn't felt the way you do. Like the other poster said you need to give yourself permission to be tired! You are not superwoman, you are only human.
When your children go to be you need to take some time for yourself before you start the house work. Your mental sanity is more important than the laundry or a pile of dishes in the sink. Do some deep breathing. Take a bubble bath to relax your muscles. Do something for you, you deserve it.
It seems to me that you have a very busy household. With both parents working (and barely seeing eachother) things can get so crazy and it feels like there are just not enough hours of the day or you are going through the motions rather than living. Would it be possible for you to hire someone to do the housework? This will free you up to enjoy your children and not stress about all of those unimportant things.
I think one day you will look back and miss this craziness. It's so easy to say now, but children are only young once and then they are gone. The most important thing is to love them and spend time with them now.
I wish you the best of luck. I know it's not easy right now, but it will get better. Allow yourself to be human!
Answers:
Hey Kiera - You and I were together as March 2005 Moms! Wow, remember when we were so excited! I too used to have times to read/post on the boards and liked it. Now, I'm in the same boat as you, and I've done it all 3 times before with my first 3 kids. This 4th one has thrown me over.
I too have a short fuse. Trying to work from home, having a nearly 2 year old and the bigger kids to deal with, coupled with all the household chores just leaves nothing left of me. My husband also received a job out of state and so now I don't even have him in the evenings. I am here alone until our house sells and since we're in Southern California, it will be months!
I wish I had some magic thing to tell you to make it all better. I do know that it gets better because once they hit about 3 1/2 to 4 years old, they can do so much more on their own and are fun to interact with. I keep telling myself I know that it gets better, but I find myself wanting Miss Drue to quickly get older. I feel bad though, because I know she's my last and I should be savoring it, but I feel like I would have it so easy right now if I hadn't had a 4th baby. I love her to death, but wow, it's hard and I need a break!!!! I even find myself perusing the internet and want ads and wondering if it wouldn't be better to just sell my business and go to work outside the home, at least then I'd get time away from the kids consistently.
Don't get me wrong, my husband does come home every other weekend or so and I do have a wonderful friend that takes Drue for a day, once a month. I should be fine with that, it's more than most Moms get, but I'm still overworked and stressed out.
I'm counting down the days until she turns 2 because I did find a 2 year old program in my little community that goes two mornings for 3 hours a week! I'm so there, even if I have to sell stuff on **** to pay for it!!
Hang in there and don't sweat the small stuff. Here's to hearing "Mommy, wook it" "Don't want to" "No" whine whine whine "Go outside" "bottle peeese" "juice peeeeese" whine whine whine "Mommy, Mommy" "Where Mommy go?" (as you're hiding in the closet trying to get dressed) "Shoes on" "Shoes off" "I do it" all over and over again, 5,000 times a day!!!!
Answers:
Kiera, I hear you! I am sure that you miss your husband so much! Everything is all work and no fun! Is there anyway to squeeze in some dates for you and your husband? I almost sense a cycle going on here with your children that can be stopped. You are tired and feeling overwhelmed and you are interacting with your children in a negative cycle (it starts with negative behaviors and goes on from there). Your children want your attention badly and they can feel your distress and it distresses them. My only suggestion is to STOP and start to spend some positive time with them that you are in control of. Do something really fun with them and start the interactions on a positive note. I noticed with my children that when things were getting into that negative cycle and I would just give them some positive attention and it invigorated them and helped them to act positively. To me it sounds like most of your children's behaviors that are stressing you out so much are just cries for your attention and cries of their distress with the negative interactions.
I am having such a hard time with my kids who are almost 2 and 3 1/2. I love them to death but I am so exhausted, I need a break and all I want to do is run away. I feel like never can 5 minutes pass without something breaking, someone crying, someone whining, someone falling, someone needing a drink or a snack, without a diaper being changed, someone needing help, a fight breaking out, something being lost. I want to do an activity for more than 5 minutes. I want to sit down for more than 5 minutes. I want to say we have to do something without a protest from one of the two. I want them to agree on things. I want my house to remain clean for more than 5 minutes. I'm tired of staring at all of the laundry that we can never catch up on.
I get up for work at 3:30am M-F and I am home by 11am. My husband leaves for work around 1pm and isn't home until midnight. We are both so tired. I come home from work and jump right into mommy mode and continue it all day (from 1pm on without help) I finally get everyone in bed around 7 and then there's the cleaning and everything else to take care of. And my husband doesn't have it much better.
I just feel like I am ready to break. In fact, I know I'm breaking. I'm finding I can be patient for a while, but once I hit the breaking point for the day I get really upset. I hate that I am yelling at them almost everyday. Half the time it's over something unimportant, but it's the 476th unimportant thing of the day and it becomes the final straw. I find myself just watching the clock for bed time and thinking how am I going to kill the next two hours, the next hour, the next 30 minutes?
I've been through a lot of crap this year and all of that has gotten a lot better. I stayed strong for my kids and even tempered as I didn't want to take it out on them. But now that calmness seems to have ended. I don't know if now I am so totally wiped out and that's what's causing it. I think it's just the comination of two kids and that "grand age", plus the exhastion and rough year.
I do take time for myself everyday. And I have friends who are moms. So I have some of the basics covered. But I haven't been away alone with my husband in over a year and that was just for two days. So I know that isn't helping things any.
Tell me I am not alone. Tell me that I'll beg for these days when they become teenagers. Tell me it will pass. And tell me how I can relax with my kids.
Answers:
If you have 5 minutes alone, sit down, close your eyes and take several deep full breaths. Be thankful that you still have your health, that all your limbs are working. Recognize that you are in a phase; certainly a difficult phase and it may go on for a few more years. And then you'll be into another phase. It may not be as difficult, but it will certainly have it's challenges.
If you have 5 minutes alone, sit down, close your eyes, take several deep breaths. Be thankful that your legs and feet are working, that your arms and hands are able to do the miraculous things they do.
Give yourself permission to feel tired, stressed and burned out. Try not to get upset about your being stressed. Or, rather, don't get stressed about being stressed. Don't demoralize yourself with negative self talk. You sound like you're doing a lot and it's normal that you would feel overhwelmed. You're children are just at that age when they can demand soooooo much. Let yourself be less than perfect; it's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to be frustrated and angry. It's ok to cry.
If you have 5 minutes alone, sit down, close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Be thankful that you have a job, have a husband, have friends. Make time with your friends, your husband and other adults a priority. You need time with peers. And you need time to be alone with yourself.
take a few deep breaths....and then return to the challenge that is your life now knowing that its passing away day by day right before your eyes.
Good luck....
Answers:
Sweetie I totally feel for you! I have a 5 year old and a 6 month old and I too beg for two minutes to go the bathroom without an audience.
When my youngest was born I was having health problems and my husband worked 6 days a week. It was the beginning of the summer and the oldest was out of preschool. I would find myself having a meltdown every Saturday evening when my husband got home from work.
You are not alone. I don't know one mother who hasn't felt the way you do. Like the other poster said you need to give yourself permission to be tired! You are not superwoman, you are only human.
When your children go to be you need to take some time for yourself before you start the house work. Your mental sanity is more important than the laundry or a pile of dishes in the sink. Do some deep breathing. Take a bubble bath to relax your muscles. Do something for you, you deserve it.
It seems to me that you have a very busy household. With both parents working (and barely seeing eachother) things can get so crazy and it feels like there are just not enough hours of the day or you are going through the motions rather than living. Would it be possible for you to hire someone to do the housework? This will free you up to enjoy your children and not stress about all of those unimportant things.
I think one day you will look back and miss this craziness. It's so easy to say now, but children are only young once and then they are gone. The most important thing is to love them and spend time with them now.
I wish you the best of luck. I know it's not easy right now, but it will get better. Allow yourself to be human!
Answers:
Hey Kiera - You and I were together as March 2005 Moms! Wow, remember when we were so excited! I too used to have times to read/post on the boards and liked it. Now, I'm in the same boat as you, and I've done it all 3 times before with my first 3 kids. This 4th one has thrown me over.
I too have a short fuse. Trying to work from home, having a nearly 2 year old and the bigger kids to deal with, coupled with all the household chores just leaves nothing left of me. My husband also received a job out of state and so now I don't even have him in the evenings. I am here alone until our house sells and since we're in Southern California, it will be months!
I wish I had some magic thing to tell you to make it all better. I do know that it gets better because once they hit about 3 1/2 to 4 years old, they can do so much more on their own and are fun to interact with. I keep telling myself I know that it gets better, but I find myself wanting Miss Drue to quickly get older. I feel bad though, because I know she's my last and I should be savoring it, but I feel like I would have it so easy right now if I hadn't had a 4th baby. I love her to death, but wow, it's hard and I need a break!!!! I even find myself perusing the internet and want ads and wondering if it wouldn't be better to just sell my business and go to work outside the home, at least then I'd get time away from the kids consistently.
Don't get me wrong, my husband does come home every other weekend or so and I do have a wonderful friend that takes Drue for a day, once a month. I should be fine with that, it's more than most Moms get, but I'm still overworked and stressed out.
I'm counting down the days until she turns 2 because I did find a 2 year old program in my little community that goes two mornings for 3 hours a week! I'm so there, even if I have to sell stuff on **** to pay for it!!
Hang in there and don't sweat the small stuff. Here's to hearing "Mommy, wook it" "Don't want to" "No" whine whine whine "Go outside" "bottle peeese" "juice peeeeese" whine whine whine "Mommy, Mommy" "Where Mommy go?" (as you're hiding in the closet trying to get dressed) "Shoes on" "Shoes off" "I do it" all over and over again, 5,000 times a day!!!!
Answers:
Kiera, I hear you! I am sure that you miss your husband so much! Everything is all work and no fun! Is there anyway to squeeze in some dates for you and your husband? I almost sense a cycle going on here with your children that can be stopped. You are tired and feeling overwhelmed and you are interacting with your children in a negative cycle (it starts with negative behaviors and goes on from there). Your children want your attention badly and they can feel your distress and it distresses them. My only suggestion is to STOP and start to spend some positive time with them that you are in control of. Do something really fun with them and start the interactions on a positive note. I noticed with my children that when things were getting into that negative cycle and I would just give them some positive attention and it invigorated them and helped them to act positively. To me it sounds like most of your children's behaviors that are stressing you out so much are just cries for your attention and cries of their distress with the negative interactions.