When spankings don't work...
I have a 7 year old son that is out of this world. Spankings have never worked for him, although I still do it, almost daily. I've tried taking things away from him too. At one point, he had nothing in his room but a bed and his clothes and it was that way for about a month. It didn't help. Sticking his nose in the corner and making him stand there, didn't work. I am at my witts end and don't know where else to look for advice. He does very well in school in fact an honor roll student. He just has discipline problems.
Any advice? Thanks
Answers:
Hi lawd, I figured out when my daughter was 3 or something that spankings didn't work. My husband kept telling me to do it so I tried it and then realized that it doesn't work. Tell us more about your son. I'll bet he is angry with daily spankings! I think that spending quality time with your child doing calm things and letting him know that you care does more than any "discipline". I'll bet you all are down to only negative interactions? Are you a screamer? If you are, I have my own screamer story that I can tell you.
Answers:
Spankings don't work. Period. They just help relieve the parent's frustration. There are better ways. But, first, what are the problem behaviors of the child? How often? What does your child have to say about these behaviors? Every behavior has behind it some positive intention, some need that is trying to be satisfied. True, that need may have become distorted; but, by finding out what the need is and helping to satisfy it can significantly reduce the problem behavior.
Answers:
Yes, negative interactions have increasingly become more of our lives than ever. I am not normally a screamer, but yes I do it with him, because if I don't he doesn't seem to "hear" me. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall. Just some examples of the stuff that he does:
Saturday, wanted to go to the park. We went to the park together, he wouldn't listen and stay with me. He kept running waayy ahead of me and I don't feel that I should put a leash on him to stay with me. Other times at the park he will try to pet a strangers dog, after I have told him not to and why. SO I got fed up Saturday and told him lets go, we are going back home. When we got to the parking lot, he diliberately runs out in front of a car. This car had to slam on breaks to avoid hitting him. I tore him up for that too though. Not even 5 minutes later, he goes in the kitchen and turns on my dishwasher with the latch open.
If we go to the store no matter where, grocery, Target, Wal Mart whatever, he acts up and again he doesn't stay with me. I've tried making him hold my hand, but that seems to stir up more conflict. He has no discrection for cars so its hard to go anywhere without having him by the throat.
He doesn't like to go to the store, so now I wonder if he misbehaves on purpose because he knows we'll go home. Its embarrassing to be fighting with him in public because I can see people looking at us.
He's a really big whiner, he cries ALL the time. And over everything. I can't stand a crier, so I tell him he needs to dry it up and quick.
He does like to play soccer and that is something we both enjoy doing together, and there have been times where he acts up there and the coach has to get on him. Or if he gets in trouble at school, or at home I have taken him out of soccer for that day and he couldn't play. Him and my daughter played on the same team, so during practice I would take her and let her play, and make him sit beside me and not play. Anything that I have ever tried, doesn't seem to bother him. After I spank him, and I mean wail on him, not 5 to 10 minutes later, he's doing omething else.
Although he is 7 now, he's been thrown out of daycare because of his defiance. He has gotten a tad better about things since he started school, but is still driving me insane.
His father is not around and hasn't been for about 2 years, so I wonder if possibly that has something to so with it. But then again, his father wasn't part of his life but maybe twice year before that. My son doesn't mention him, but I'm just wondering if being the only "male" in the house is hard for him.
He needs to learn how to respect me and I feel that I shouldn't have to be on him constantly and with a tight leash. I am independant and want my kids to be the same way.
Now here is the bathroom problems. He's been using the toliet since he was 2. He is now SEVEN and still has a problem with doing number 2 in his pants. He uses the bathroom, doesnt even attempt to wipe himself, and I have to force him to sit there until he goes. Sometimes when he does it at school, he sits there and stinks all day and it doesnt bother him. That seems to be a big pattern, nothing bothers him.
Does this help? Thanks for any advice!
Answers:
Here is my take on it from reading your post. I believe your son desperately wants to be in control at all times over all situations while at the same time he desperately wants to be the center of attention, positive attention or negative, doesn't matter.
Spankings don't typically work on strong-willed children. They simply don't care and it's attention they're getting and they're in control of that particular time. If you love your pediatrician, schedule an appt., with just you and the Dr. Explain what is happening and request a referral to a counselor. Most insurance plans will cover a certain number of visits.
Your son will benefit and so will you. You will be given valuable tips on how to redirect his controlling behavior.
Until all this starts for you, I would also suggest not giving up on your discipline. You said he doesn't like to go to the store, so he acts up. You're right! You also said you don't feel you should have to leash him to you. Well, one of my sons was always running ahead, etc., I would give him one warning, then we held hands. Sure, he threw a fit and often I would get the disapproving looks. We stood there holding hands until he calmed down. Then, he had to hold my hand a minute for every year of his age. During the hand holding I NEVER talked to him. Once the time was up, I let go, told him why it happened, then went about our business. There were several trips in which we had to do this 5 or more times and it wasn't fun, but he eventually got a clue. Honestly, if he hadn't held my hand, I would have resorted to a leash with an explanation "I want you to listen to me and be safe and when you do so, you don't have to be hooked to me."
I've done the holding hands thing with all of my kids and for us it really works.
Any advice? Thanks
Answers:
Hi lawd, I figured out when my daughter was 3 or something that spankings didn't work. My husband kept telling me to do it so I tried it and then realized that it doesn't work. Tell us more about your son. I'll bet he is angry with daily spankings! I think that spending quality time with your child doing calm things and letting him know that you care does more than any "discipline". I'll bet you all are down to only negative interactions? Are you a screamer? If you are, I have my own screamer story that I can tell you.
Answers:
Spankings don't work. Period. They just help relieve the parent's frustration. There are better ways. But, first, what are the problem behaviors of the child? How often? What does your child have to say about these behaviors? Every behavior has behind it some positive intention, some need that is trying to be satisfied. True, that need may have become distorted; but, by finding out what the need is and helping to satisfy it can significantly reduce the problem behavior.
Answers:
Yes, negative interactions have increasingly become more of our lives than ever. I am not normally a screamer, but yes I do it with him, because if I don't he doesn't seem to "hear" me. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall. Just some examples of the stuff that he does:
Saturday, wanted to go to the park. We went to the park together, he wouldn't listen and stay with me. He kept running waayy ahead of me and I don't feel that I should put a leash on him to stay with me. Other times at the park he will try to pet a strangers dog, after I have told him not to and why. SO I got fed up Saturday and told him lets go, we are going back home. When we got to the parking lot, he diliberately runs out in front of a car. This car had to slam on breaks to avoid hitting him. I tore him up for that too though. Not even 5 minutes later, he goes in the kitchen and turns on my dishwasher with the latch open.
If we go to the store no matter where, grocery, Target, Wal Mart whatever, he acts up and again he doesn't stay with me. I've tried making him hold my hand, but that seems to stir up more conflict. He has no discrection for cars so its hard to go anywhere without having him by the throat.
He doesn't like to go to the store, so now I wonder if he misbehaves on purpose because he knows we'll go home. Its embarrassing to be fighting with him in public because I can see people looking at us.
He's a really big whiner, he cries ALL the time. And over everything. I can't stand a crier, so I tell him he needs to dry it up and quick.
He does like to play soccer and that is something we both enjoy doing together, and there have been times where he acts up there and the coach has to get on him. Or if he gets in trouble at school, or at home I have taken him out of soccer for that day and he couldn't play. Him and my daughter played on the same team, so during practice I would take her and let her play, and make him sit beside me and not play. Anything that I have ever tried, doesn't seem to bother him. After I spank him, and I mean wail on him, not 5 to 10 minutes later, he's doing omething else.
Although he is 7 now, he's been thrown out of daycare because of his defiance. He has gotten a tad better about things since he started school, but is still driving me insane.
His father is not around and hasn't been for about 2 years, so I wonder if possibly that has something to so with it. But then again, his father wasn't part of his life but maybe twice year before that. My son doesn't mention him, but I'm just wondering if being the only "male" in the house is hard for him.
He needs to learn how to respect me and I feel that I shouldn't have to be on him constantly and with a tight leash. I am independant and want my kids to be the same way.
Now here is the bathroom problems. He's been using the toliet since he was 2. He is now SEVEN and still has a problem with doing number 2 in his pants. He uses the bathroom, doesnt even attempt to wipe himself, and I have to force him to sit there until he goes. Sometimes when he does it at school, he sits there and stinks all day and it doesnt bother him. That seems to be a big pattern, nothing bothers him.
Does this help? Thanks for any advice!
Answers:
Here is my take on it from reading your post. I believe your son desperately wants to be in control at all times over all situations while at the same time he desperately wants to be the center of attention, positive attention or negative, doesn't matter.
Spankings don't typically work on strong-willed children. They simply don't care and it's attention they're getting and they're in control of that particular time. If you love your pediatrician, schedule an appt., with just you and the Dr. Explain what is happening and request a referral to a counselor. Most insurance plans will cover a certain number of visits.
Your son will benefit and so will you. You will be given valuable tips on how to redirect his controlling behavior.
Until all this starts for you, I would also suggest not giving up on your discipline. You said he doesn't like to go to the store, so he acts up. You're right! You also said you don't feel you should have to leash him to you. Well, one of my sons was always running ahead, etc., I would give him one warning, then we held hands. Sure, he threw a fit and often I would get the disapproving looks. We stood there holding hands until he calmed down. Then, he had to hold my hand a minute for every year of his age. During the hand holding I NEVER talked to him. Once the time was up, I let go, told him why it happened, then went about our business. There were several trips in which we had to do this 5 or more times and it wasn't fun, but he eventually got a clue. Honestly, if he hadn't held my hand, I would have resorted to a leash with an explanation "I want you to listen to me and be safe and when you do so, you don't have to be hooked to me."
I've done the holding hands thing with all of my kids and for us it really works.